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I lean on the side of the bassinet and look down at her. For the first time, I let myself believe that she’s really going to be mine.
Mine and Aroha’s.
We’ll be Leia’s mummy and daddy.
I swallow hard. My father was wrong. He might have tried to teach me to keep my heart out of things, but I can’t do that. I loved Maddie, I love Leia, and I love Aroha.
I love Aroha. It’s true. Or at least, I’m in love with her. I know it’s not been long, but I love everything about her. The way she forgave me for falling asleep on her in bed. How she immediately said she’d help with Leia when I found out Maddie had died. How she agreed to marry me, even though she knew it would upset her parents, and it also went against her own beliefs of marriage, because she knew it would help me get custody of Leia.
I love how she looked after me on the day of the funeral. And how she’s been a mother to Leia in everything but name. It’s only now that I realize how I thought I wanted someone like Cassie, who’s wealthy and accomplished, who enjoys travel and parties and is successful in business, and who’s semi-famous on social media, with hundreds of friends.
But I don’t. Aroha’s beautiful and smart, but she’s so gentle and kind. She’s a homebird, happy cooking, playing guitar, reading, and doing crafts. I didn’t value those things before, but I do now. She and Leia have made my house into a home, something I never thought would happen.
I didn’t think I wanted children, and I’m still not sure I want my own, but I have Leia, and I’m excited at the thought of being there when she grows up. Of showing her all the wonderful things the world has to offer. Her innocence has cleansed me of much of my cynicism—not all, I acknowledge, but I think I’ll get better. Who could remain cynical and pessimistic when faced with beauty like this?
As I look at her, she stirs and opens her eyes. She blinks as she looks up at me, and then she gives me the most beautiful smile. My eyes sting, and my throat tightens as I say, “Hello baby girl.”
I lift her up into my arms, and she snuffles and buries her face in my shirt. I chuckle. “Are you hungry? Why don’t we change you and make you a bottle, eh?”
I haven’t changed her on my own before, so that’s a challenge, but I manage it, and I lift her up again afterward, ridiculously pleased. I take her out into the living room and through to the deck.
“Well done,” Aroha teases, and I grin and lower Leia into her arms.
“Are you okay to hold her without it hurting too badly?” I ask.
“It’s okay if I rest my arm on the cushion.” She nestles back.
“I’ll make a bottle,” I tell her, “and then I’ve got a few things to discuss with you.”
I head into the kitchen, my heart lifting, and start to spoon the formula into the bottle.
Are you really telling me you can’t work out how to seduce the woman you’re married to?
My lips curve up. Okay, Alex. Challenge accepted.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Aroha
My heart races as I wait for James to return with the bottle. What’s he going to say?
When Missie left, she murmured to me, “Don’t worry, I’ve put him straight,” but I didn’t have a chance to ask what she meant by that. I’m still reeling from her announcement that James is crazy about me. Everyone knows how he feels about you. We’re all just waiting for him to realize it. I heard him shout something at Blue, but was it really ‘That’s my wife!’?
I feel emotional and all over the place. I guess that’s not unusual, considering what kind of a day I’ve had. It’s impossible for it not to stir up all the feelings I had after my ex assaulted me. Fear, fury, embarrassment, shame, resentment, and hate. But I don’t want to be ruled by such negative emotions.
Leia lifts a hand, and I kiss her tiny fingers, trying to hold in my tears. Right now, she’s not aware of anything negative in the world. She doesn’t understand darkness or fear or pain. For her there’s only light and promise. I hold her tightly, trying to let her beauty wash over me and wipe all the bad memories away.
“Here.” James has returned, and he holds out the bottle.
I take it, knowing he’ll have tested the temperature, and tease Leia’s lips with the teat. She opens her mouth, and soon the air is filled with the sound of her gentle sucking.
I wait for him to sit in the armchair opposite, where he normally sits when we’re out here on the deck, but to my surprise he sits beside me on the sofa. I turn and prop my feet on the coffee table, making more space, not disappointed when he moves a little closer. I look at his strong, bare feet, brown from the sun. I find them really attractive. That’s odd. I’ve never considered myself to have a foot fetish before.
I look back up at him to see his bright turquoise eyes focused on me. To my relief, he gives me a mischievous smile. He’s not cross with me anymore, then.
“I’ve just spoken to Ethan,” he says.
“Oh?”
