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I nod. “Okay.”
“I’ll talk to Alex about wages. You should pay me for the number of hours I work.”
“I’ll talk to Alex.” I give her a direct look.
She meets my gaze for a moment. Then she says, somewhat meekly, “Okay.”
“And now, back to our original conversation. Again, I want to apologize for what happened on the night of the party. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I want to explain so you understand it was nothing to do with you. I’d had a bad few days—I’d been staying with my sister because she’d been under the weather. I think I told you she has postnatal depression.”
“Yes, you did mention it.”
“Maddie has been struggling with breastfeeding. She’s had lactation consultants, but it just isn’t working for her. The healthcare professionals, her nanny, and even other mothers at the clinic kept saying she had to persevere, implying if she put Leia on the bottle, she’d somehow be letting her and the baby down.”
Aroha nods slowly. “Formula shaming. I’ve seen that happen with healthcare professionals and other mums.”
“It’s crazy—as if going through the process of having a baby isn’t hard enough. She has mastitis, plus apparently postnatal depression can decrease milk supply. She knows breast is best and all that, but when I went to see her, she was just bawling her eyes out, and she was so unhappy. She told the nanny that she wanted to put Leia on the bottle, and the nanny just kept saying if she persevered, she’d get through it. But Maddie had had enough. She fired the nanny, which was fair enough, but then she felt guilty and upset about it. I told her that nobody has the right to tell you what to do with your own child, and I went out and bought all the kit—bottles, sterilizing stuff, and formula. She started Leia on the bottle straight away, and she immediately felt better.”
Aroha hesitates. “Do you mind me asking, is she married?”
I grit my teeth. “No. The father was a guy she dated a few times. He disappeared and didn’t even know she was pregnant. He’s a lowlife who I detest with every bone in my body.”
“I’m so sorry.”
I huff a sigh. “It’s done. Anyway, he’s not on the scene. She used to live in Auckland and moved back here six months ago, and she hasn’t made any close friends. Our father lives in Australia. My mum was a Kiwi and brought us back to New Zealand, to Christchurch, when she split up with my dad. She died when we were twenty-two, from breast cancer.”
“Oh James, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. No wonder you’re close with Maddie, especially with her being your twin.”
“Yeah, and now she only has me. Her housekeeper quit just before Christmas too, so she’s been struggling to do the washing and keep the house clean on top of not feeling well.” He gives me an embarrassed look. “I know most women are in the same situation, but Maddie is… delicate is the wrong word, but you know what I mean. She struggles. She says she doesn’t want another nanny but I’m going to try to talk her into it. Anyway, I’d been with her for a couple of days, trying to give her moral support, and help out around the house while she looked after Leia. I got back here and went to work in the afternoon, and then went around Cassie’s, and she was snotty with me because it was her birthday on the twentieth and I didn’t spend it with her—I was with Maddie.”
“Ah, jeez.”
“We’d been having problems anyway, and… well, I won’t go into that. But she was unhappy, and then it just blew up that evening. I was angry and pissed off, because even though I knew it was over, we’d been dating a while, and it still made me sad.”
“Of course it did.”
“But I didn’t want to go home because it’s no fun drinking alone, so I thought I’d stay with my friends. And I started on the whisky, and then you were there, being all fun and gorgeous, and you don’t know how wonderful that was after spending so long with Cassie, who’d been prickly and unhappy for ages. And then we danced, and we were flirting, and I knew if I asked you back to my room you’d say yes. And I thought why shouldn’t I? We were both grownups. I was single. I had no intention of getting back with Cassie. And I’d always liked you. So I did, I took you back to my room, and I went down on you, which was fantastic, I have to say, and then I lay back on the bed, and… I don’t know what happened. I was so tired, and mentally and physically exhausted, and I’d drunk too much, and I felt happy because I’d given you an orgasm, and I felt kinda sated even though I hadn’t… you know… and, well, I just fell asleep. I didn’t mean to. And it was nothing to do with you.”
She’s staring at me, and her makeup is slightly smudged from where she was crying, but her eyes are huge, and a fascinating mixture of green and brown, and beautiful.
“My phone woke me up,” I tell her. “It was five a.m., and it was Maddie again. She was crying. She didn’t feel well, and she couldn’t get Leia to sleep. She was exhausted. I told her that I had to go into the office, but that I’d be there in the afternoon. I remembered then that I had a Zoom call with a guy from the UK at eight a.m., and I needed to do some preparation for it. So I got up, and I found you on the sofa.”
I study her face, my lips curving up at the memory. “You looked gorgeous, and you were sound asleep, so I thought I’d leave you to it. I admit, I was distracted. I wasn’t really thinking straight. I scribbled a note—I can’t even remember what it said—and headed out. I worked all morning, briefly made an appearance at the staff office party at lunch, then drove over to Maddie’s again, and I stayed with her until I came to the wedding.”
I take Aroha’s hand in mine. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have taken you to the hotel after breaking up with Cassie. I was using you, and that was unfair. And I should have contacted you and apologized for leaving you without waking you. I admit that after the first day, I was embarrassed and couldn’t think what to say. I’m ashamed of myself, though. Will you forgive me?”
She wipes under her eyes. “Of course I forgive you. I’m sorry, too, for embarrassing you in front of your friends. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s all right, I deserved it.”
We look into each other’s eyes and smile.
“Bit of a shit Christmas really, isn’t it?” I say, and she gives a short laugh.
“Yeah. I’m sorry about Maddie. I’ve seen how new mums can struggle even when they have a partner, so it must be hard for her being alone.”
“I do my best. I was with her at the birth.”
“Really?”
