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I lie back, the other way around this time, so I’m leaning on the cushions, and slot the glasses on.
“Good boy,” she says. I snort, and her lips curve up. “Try to relax,” she adds, switching the fan on. Then she picks up Leia and goes inside, pulling the sliding door almost closed behind her.
I tuck my right arm under my head and look out at the garden. I inhale deeply, then let out the long breath over ten seconds.
This is possibly my favorite place in the world right now. I know the house is too big for me, but I love how peaceful it is. I feel isolated and safe. The deck is north facing and catches the rays from sunrise to sunset, but the shade sail keeps it out of direct sunlight. The fan sweeps across me, brushing cool air from my head to my toes.
I wonder whether Aroha is baking her cake.
Closing my eyes, I think about her fingers gliding through my hair. No girl has ever done anything like that for me. They’ve expected me to lavish attention on them, and I’ve always been happy to do so, believing it to be the guy’s role. I guess Freud would have something to say about it. But I’m not looking for a mother. It’s just been a long time since I’ve been cared for. Having a housekeeper helps, but it’s not the same as personal affection. I loved my mother dearly, but depression is a selfish disease, and her mental issues meant she was always focused on herself. Maddie also had too many problems of her own to help me with mine. I’ve learned to cope alone. Maybe that’s why it feels like such a surprise to have someone doing things for me.
I wish Maddie had met Aroha. I think they would have gotten on.
*
I doze as the sun slides down in the bright-blue sky. I’m half-aware of my surroundings, but I let my brain meander where it wants to, in and out of a dream world full of memories and emotions. At one point I hear Leia crying, but it cuts off fairly quickly, and I guess Aroha has stopped whatever she’s doing to feed her. Not long after, I become aware of the magnificent smell of baking filtering out through the crack in the sliding door. I guess the cake is in the oven. My lips curve up, even though I don’t open my eyes.
I must fall into a deeper sleep then, because I dream that Maddie and I are at the beach our parents used to take us to as kids. We’re adults, though, sitting beside one another on the sand as the water rolls up over our feet. She’s wearing her favorite pair of blue shorts, and her legs are brown.
In the water, a young girl is playing, maybe six or seven years old. She looks up and sees me watching her, and splashes through the water toward me. “Daddy!” she says, and she leaps on me and throws her arms around me.
I snap awake. The sun is much lower, and even the fan can’t disguise the baking heat of the late-afternoon sun. I blink, startled by the dream. Who was the little girl? Was it Leia? If so, why did she call me Daddy?
It takes a second for me to remember that Maddie is dead. Grief hits me like an arrow to the chest, taking my breath away.
“Hey.” It’s Aroha, opening the sliding door and coming outside, carrying Leia. “Are you okay?” she asks. “I heard you cry out.”
“I was dreaming.” I clamp down on the grief. “Something smells nice.”
“We’ve had fun baking the cake, haven’t we?” She kisses Leia’s forehead. “It’s four thirty. I guess the guys will be here soon.”
“Yeah. I’ll get changed.” I sit up. My headache has dulled to a low, bearable throb.
“Are you all right?” She moves forward and places a cool hand on my forehead. I close my eyes, touched by her concern. “Is your head bad?”
“No. It’s better.” I don’t move, though. Neither does she. Instead, after a moment she caresses my temple with her thumb, a soft brush that sends the hairs rising on the back of my neck.
Then she drops her hand, and I get up. I look at Leia, whose big turquoise eyes stare back at me, and I smile at her. To my surprise, her lips curve up in response.
“I’m guessing that’s just wind,” I say.
“Not at all. She’s returning your smile. Aren’t you, bubs? Are you saying hello to Uncle James?” She waves Leia’s hand and holds it close to my face. I kiss the tiny fingers obediently, and Leia laughs and swats my cheek.
“Typical woman,” I say. “I show her some attention and she slaps me around the face.”
“I’m sure you deserved it.” Aroha chuckles. “We’re going to put the butter icing on the cake, aren’t we?” Still talking to Leia, she goes back inside.
I watch her go, still thinking about the little girl throwing her arms around my neck. Daddy… Frowning, I follow them inside.
Chapter Nineteen
Aroha
Henry and Alex arrive first, in a van they use at Kia Kaha, and James helps them in with the bassinet. They take it through to the bedroom that adjoins my room and put it up in there, along with the other items they’ve brought—the change table, the nappy bin, the mini fridge, the bottle warmer, a rocking chair, and a couple of bags full of clothes, toys, and other items.
At this point, Gaby and Tyson arrive with Juliette and Missie. Gaby, already tearful, goes up to James, slides her arms around his waist, and buries her face in his shirt, and they stand there like that for a minute, James with his chin resting on the top of her head. He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes meet mine across the kitchen before he closes them and kisses the top of her head.
“What would everyone like to drink?” I ask, dragging my gaze away. “Tea, coffee, something stronger?”
