AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Is there anything we can do?” Gaby asks. “For the funeral, I mean.”
“Not at the moment,” James replies. “I can’t finalize anything until the post-mortem is done.”
“We can organize the catering for you, if you like,” she continues. “That would be something you can cross off your list.”
“That would be great, thank you.”
They go on to talk about Maddie, telling stories and exchanging memories. After a while, someone suggests ordering Uber Eats, and we settle for half a dozen large pizzas and place them in the center of the table so we can all help ourselves.
Leia dozes off in Missie’s arms for a while, and when she wakes, it’s Gaby’s turn to hold her, then Juliette’s. Eventually even Tyson and Alex request a cuddle, and it’s heartwarming to watch their partners’ faces as they see their men interacting with a baby.
I don’t say much, and I’m happy to listen to them all talking. I like them all, and of course I know Gaby well, but the more I listen to them, the more I feel the great divide between us that money has carved. They talk about vacations abroad—in Fiji and the other Pacific Islands, in Australia and Japan and even to Europe, places I’ve never been and will probably never go. They have stories involving skiing and scuba diving and flying lessons, and tales about parties where they drank too much champagne.
The more I hear, the more it reminds me how different the lives are that James and I have led. He’s been very kind, and he treats me like an equal, but it’s clear to me that I really am just like his gardener and his pool man. I’m a member of staff, and I’m only here with the others because I’m looking after Leia. They know I’m not wealthy. I can only imagine what they think about me staying here. Do they assume we’re sleeping together because we’re in the same house? That maybe I’m after his money? As much as I like him, the thought embarrasses me.
It’s seven-thirty p.m., and the sun is heading toward the horizon, filling the garden with light the color of treacle. I’ve lit several citronella candles to keep away the insects, but I don’t want Leia to get bitten.
I go into the kitchen and make her up a bottle. Then I return to the others. “I think I’ll take Leia in for a bath and feed,” I announce, going over to Missie, who’s having another sneaky cuddle. “I’m trying to get her into a routine.”
“Makes sense,” Missie says, handing her over.
“Is there anything you need?” James asks.
“No, I’m fine, thanks.”
“Want some help?” Gaby asks.
“No, I’m good.”
“Come back out when you’re done,” James adds.
I just smile and head inside.
I take Leia through to the bathroom adjoining my bedroom, put her in her carry seat for a moment, and retrieve the small baby bath that Henry and Alex brought from Maddie’s house. I put it in the main bath, run some lukewarm water, and add some No Tears baby bath foam with chamomile. Then I strip Leia and lower her in, talking to her as she splashes about, apparently enjoying the sensation of the water on her skin. I clean her face and ears, all the creases in her skin, and her fingers and toes, and then I wash her hair.
When she’s clean, I lift her out and wrap her in one of James’s big soft towels. I dry her thoroughly, then look through the bottles that Henry brought from Maddie’s house. She has some baby lotion, so I take Leia through to my room, lie her on the bed, and use a little of the lotion to give her a massage.
As I stroke her tiny arms and legs, I wonder whether she misses her mum. My eyes sting, even though I didn’t know Maddie.
“Poor little bubs,” I murmur, kissing her toes. She’s such a beautiful, contented baby. She deserves parents who’ll treat her like a princess.
I start singing to her as I turn her onto her tummy, smiling as she lifts up her head, her tiny neck strong enough to support it now. I massage her back and shoulders, then turn her back over, put a nappy on, and dress her in a cute white onesie with a yellow duck on the front.
I put the bottle in the warmer and switch it on, then give her a cuddle and dance with her for a bit while I sing to her. When the bottle’s done, I sit in the rocking chair and feed her. While she’s feeding, I retrieve the first Harry Potter book that I glimpsed in the bag and open it up. It’s well-thumbed and has obviously been read many times. Was Maddie planning to read it to her daughter at some stage?
“No time like the present,” I tell Leia, opening the book up. “You’re going to love this one about the boy who lived.” I begin reading to her while I rock slowly.
Mmm, this is nice. The room is pleasantly warm and smells of the chamomile lotion I bathed her with. Leia sucks contentedly, looking up at me with her big turquoise eyes, her eyelids beginning to droop. I feel a little sleepy myself. Well, it’s been a busy few days, and I know how exhausting emotion can be.
When she’s finished her bottle, I put down the book and rock her for a little longer, looking at her fingers with their tiny nails and her long dark lashes. I should put her in her bassinet and get her off to good habits from the start, but suddenly I don’t want to part with her. Maddie won’t ever be able to hold her again, and I feel a sweep of sadness at the thought.
“Come on, ataahua,” I say, which means beautiful, rising from the chair. I take her over to my bed and, still fully dressed, curl up with her there. I stroke her back for a while until she settles, and then my eyelids drift closed.
*
I jerk awake, not sure what woke me, and glance up to see someone standing in the open doorway. It’s James, and he’s watching us, his hands in his pockets, leaning on the door jamb, although he pushes off as he sees me look over.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, “I didn’t mean to intrude. I wondered where you were.”
