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“No. I had a sister. Vivian.” My heart breaks again, thinking about her. “She died.”
“Oh my God!” Bonnie’s eyes go wide. “I’m so sorry. That must have been horrible for you.”
When I remain silent, she gently prods. “What happened to her?”
“She, uh, died in childbirth. She was only eighteen.” My throat clogs with unshed tears and I clench my fist, wishing for my stress ball.
“My God, Stella. I can’t–” Her hands cover mine. “Eighteen?” I can see the wheels turning behind her dark brown eyes, still wide with shock. “Douchebag boyfriend?”
“Um, yeah, no…worse. She was um... She was drugged, I think. I’m really not sure, to be honest Bonnie.”
“Jesus.” Bonnie covers her mouth. “Stella, I– I have no words.”
“Yeah, it was such a mess.” I see Bonnie’s soft gaze, and I make myself rehash the painful details. “She went to a college frat party with her boyfriend. The next morning, she couldn’t remember much.”
Bonnie goes deathly pale, her eyes taking on a faraway look as she puts her suddenly trembling hands into her lap.
I know it’s a lot to take in. I’ve lived with this harrowing reality for seven years now. And still, I feel like my heart is being gouged out with a blunt knife every time I think about what happened. So, I suppose for someone else it would feel worse.
Suddenly I feel guilty for piling my baggage on her. “Bonnie, are you okay?”
She blinks and fixes me with a wan smile. “Of course, it’s just, shocking. I never imagined... I mean, gosh. Was it only the two of you?”
“Yeah, our parents died when we were really young. And can you imagine, they were both orphans too. Viv and I grew up in group and foster homes. It was terrible, and we swore never to let it happen to our children.”
“So where is Harriet now?” Bonnie asks.
I close my eyes in defeat. “In foster care. I’ve been trying to adopt her for close to a year now but I’m not... I don’t have enough to do it yet.”
Bonnie leaves her seat and comes to put her arms around me. “Oh sweetheart, you are amazing for even trying this hard. And you’ll get Harriet, I know you will.” I accept her comfort, grateful for her love and friendship.
“One of the reasons why my application keeps bouncing is because of this place.” I spread my arms wide, looking around the apartment with slight disgust. “And apparently this neighborhood.”
Bonnie nods in understanding. She lives in Long Island, and never fails to secure her motorbike with chain and lock when she comes around here.
“It’s probably no use. Bonnie. I mean, what do I know about being a parent anyway?” My shoulders slump as I feel Bonnie’s arms tighten around me.
“Come on Stella. Of course, you’ll make a great mom. You’re fiercely protective and loyal. You’re fun to be around, yet you manage to keep everyone in line. You’re practically a mother hen.”
I sigh, feeling some of my self-doubt melt away. “Thanks, babe.”
“Of course.” She waves off my gratitude. “And don’t worry, you’ll make it happen. Does Brooke know?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t told anyone.”
Bonnie looks like she might cry. “Oh, Stella, thank you for telling me. I would totally understand if you want to keep this to yourself, but you know, between us girls, we could work out a plan to get Harriet back. I think you should tell Brooke and Sabrina. Brooke especially. You’ve been friends the longest.”
Brooke and I met in our first year at Brooklyn College. Although I dropped out right after what happened with Viv, Brooke and I never lost touch and eventually, we ended up sharing this apartment.
Bonnie is right. I’ve been doing this on my own for too long, and it’s clear I need some help now.
“Okay, I’ll tell them.”
“Sweet,” Bonnie smiles, returning to her seat.
Eager to lighten the mood, I say, “Time for a fun discussion topic, babe” I’m about to launch into a fun story when Bonnie immediately suggests, “Let’s talk about Ryan shall we? Has he finally told you what he wants yet?”
I groan. “No. I have too much going on in my life right now for some bored, rich boy games.”
