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Her body tenses. At first, I think it’s in reaction to what I’m doing—still rubbing her clit, her breast. She takes in a shuddering breath, and then a completely new emotion flashes across her face. Is that … fear?
She pushes against me, scrambling to sit up. I immediately relent, leaning back, alarmed. “Is everything okay?” I ask quickly.
She hurries to cover herself, pulling up her dress. “Yes, everything’s—everything’s okay,” she stammers, looking anywhere but at me.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, reaching for her, but she stands before I can touch her.
She twirls to face me, a fake smile plastered across her face. “Nothing.” She’s shaking her head. “Nothing. I just … it’s late, I should probably go home.”
“Are you sure?” I stand as well, every nerve in my body on fire. What happened? What did I do? What did I do to cause that flash of fear I’d seen in her face? My stomach is tying itself in knots, making me practically nauseous. “Lilly, what’s wrong? Did I do something?”
She continues shaking her head, taking a step back from me.
I halt, her fear, her trepidation like a dagger through my heart. Fuck. What did I do? Did I push her too far? Did I scare her? “Lilly, if I did anything, I’m so sorry,” I begin.
“You didn’t—you didn’t do anything wrong,” she cuts me off. “I have to go, Aiden. I’m sorry. I’ll see you at work on Monday.”
And with that, she twirls and practically runs from the room.
I stand in silence, the crackling of the fireplace the only sound. I have the sudden urge to run after her—to chase her down, figure out what’s wrong, hold her in my arms. But then I worry it could only make things worse. Scare her, even?
A pit grows in my stomach at the thought of having made Lilly react that way. I rerun everything in my mind. I run my fingers through my hair and sit back down on the couch, holding my head in my hands. Because, to my surprise, a realize a new motivation is beginning to sprout. Sure, I’d wanted to sleep with Lilly since the moment I saw her. She’s gorgeous and stunning. But not only that. She’s sweet and smart, and I love the sound of her laugh. She makes me smile just by walking into a room.
I don’t just want to sleep with Lilly, I want …
Fuck, what do I want? I don’t know. The only thing I’m certain of right now is that I have to fix whatever I did. Whatever I did to make her feel the way she did, to make her run out of here as if the room was on fire, I have to fix it.
Chapter 11
Lilly
I sit in the empty classroom at the back of the building, my laptop open on the table in front of me. I glance at the clock on the wall. It’s almost three.
I sigh, leaning back in my chair and rubbing my temples.
I’ve been avoiding Aiden all day. I knew he was here when I’d first shown up to work. That black Porche in the parking lot certainly doesn’t belong to anyone else. He’d noticed me walking by his office and had started to stand, but I’d rushed away before he had a chance to say anything.
And now I’ve been here all day. In the one classroom that doesn’t have a class being taught in it. So far, no one’s come to bother me. I’m hoping Aiden isn’t determined enough to search the entire building for me.
Part of me feels guilty for how I’d run away from the wedding on Saturday. I knew it was childish, embarrassing. That I should have at least spoken to him, but I could barely think straight. The only thing running through my mind was pure humiliation. Humiliation at having to tell Aiden why I’d completely freaked out.
Of course I’d enjoyed what we’d been doing. I’d loved every second of it. The way his hands roamed my body, made me gasp. The things he’d whispered in my ear. My core warms now just thinking about it.
And the further we went, the more and more I wanted him. I wanted him desperately, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone. But …
I couldn’t stand the thought of telling him the one thing I’ve been so ashamed of my entire adult life.
The thing other men have pressed for but never got from me.
Sex.
My face warms in frustration, the familiar embarrassment and shame flooding back to me. At twenty-four, I’m well beyond my years in many things. I have an established career, I’m good with money, I’ve traveled the world.
And yet, I’m so, so woefully behind when it comes to the one thing that everyone seems to care about.
And to be honest, there’s really no reason for it. It’s not like I’m saving myself for marriage or have some hangup about sex. I haven’t had sex yet simply because I haven’t met someone I was willing to give it up for. It’s as simple as that.
I always thought I’d fall in love and sex would happen naturally. And then as the years went on and it never happened, suddenly a random hookup was no longer an acceptable way to lose one’s virginity. What was I supposed to do? Casually suggest my first time happens after a Tinder date? Maybe I could have gotten away with something like that in college, but not now. Not in my twenties.
