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“Because I’m worried I’m not cut out for motherhood.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I didn’t have the best example of a normal family growing up. And Shepherd, well, honestly? Sometimes it feels like somewhere along the timeline, our relationship has morphed from a romantic one to one where I am a mother to him. I don’t know if I could handle throwing a baby into the mix—or how he would handle it. I would be raising two kids, so to speak.”
“Twenty-four-seven is pretty constant. Maybe you need to release control a bit.”
“No. I can’t.”
“Why?”
“He needs me.” She pauses. “And a baby would need me. I worry that I can’t do both.”
“Well, it’s also okay not to want children.”
“Is it?”
“Absolutely.”
“That’s not what society says. Women are built for childbirth. Everyone has children.”
“And everyone is miserable.” I wink, though immediately feel guilty. An uncouth comment from a mother who recently discovered her child has unnamed cognitive issues. I glance at the clock, wondering if Connor is with Mark or Mark’s mom. Last I’d checked she’d taken him somewhere in town. I should have asked where. Guilt twists in my stomach.
Rowan takes a deep breath. “I can see Shepherd being attracted to a woman who loves kids, or is young enough to bear his own.”
“Seeing it doesn’t make it so.”
Rowan nods, glances down.
“You said ‘her’ as though you know who it is. Do you know who your husband is possibly having an affair with?”
“Not yet.”
“Are you actively looking for her? Trying to figure out who she is?”
Rowan doesn’t respond.
“Have you asked Shepherd point blank if he’s having an affair?”
“No.”
“Why?”
No response.
A minute passes.
“Rowan, you have a serious mental block when it comes to your husband and marriage. Why?”
No response.
“If you remember, I’ve previously said that I believe there is something in your past that is responsible for you holding back. Something that makes you feel like you need the security that marriage offers, despite the fact yours seems to be falling apart. Can we talk about this, please?”
She shifts, but doesn’t say no.
We need to talk about this, Rowan.” I pause. “When you first began coming to me, it was in your medical file that you spent most of your childhood in child services. Do you mind if I ask you some questions about this?”
Her body visibly stiffens. A moment later, she nods.
