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“Here,” I stretch it out to Ellen, who looks at me like I’m handing her a bomb.
“What is it?” Her voice cracks, and her lips quiver. “I don’t want that. Get it away from me! My baby didn’t kill herself!”
I turn the paper to them to show them Deanna’s slanty handwriting. I swallow hard, choking back my grief as I turn the paper back to me. My voice breaks as I start reading.
The first time I tried to kill myself, I was fifteen. Ever since I was a kid, I always had sadness in me. No one knew, but I did. I hid it well with my smiles and laughter, but it’s true, Tristan. I was sad.
Then I met you, and even though I was still sad, I had a reason to live. Then I had Ruby, and the sadness got lesser. Life isn’t perfect, but both of you made it worth living.
But I’m sorry, Tristan. The sadness is back, and I can’t go on like this. I love you, and I love Ruby, but I can’t go on like this. I hope there’s something better where I’m going, and I hope there is no sadness. I hope I find happiness in eternal peace.
Don’t blame yourself, Tristan. I know you might. I love you so much, and tell Ruby I love her too. I’ve always had sadness in me since I was a kid, and I always knew sooner or later, this would happen.
I love you, Tristan. I hope you and Ruby find happiness together after me. That’s my only wish.
Yours peacefully, Deanna.
“Oh, my poor baby!” Ellen breaks down into tears as Jacob pulls her into his arms.
Tears stream down my cheeks as I fold the paper neatly and return it to my pocket. The throbbing in my head is worse as I watch the older folks cry together.
“Why didn’t you show it to us?” Ellen cries. “Oh, my poor baby. Fifteen? I failed her.” She opens her mouth in a soundless wail. “I failed her.”
I shook my head and stepped closer to them. “No, you didn’t.” I frown to keep the tears back. “You didn’t.”
“Why didn’t you show it to us?” Jacob repeats his wife’s question, his eyes glistening with tears. “Why did you let us punish you?”
“I thought I deserved the punishment,” I whisper, more to myself than to them. “I failed her too.”
They cry together a bit longer; then, when they finally tear apart, Ellen watches me with new eyes. She straightens her hair and shirt. Then, she says something that makes me swear never to drink again.
“A daughter should be with her father.” Ellen glances at Jacob, who nods solemnly. We’ll drop the custody suit.”
“Ellen, I don’t know what to—”
“On the condition that you permanently move to New Brooks, and we get Ruby on the weekends.” She raises a hand. “It is non-negotiable.”
“No drinking either,” Jacob adds, his eyes narrowing.
“You don’t have to tell me that.” I nod gravely. “That’s done. Forever.”
My phone buzzes just as I speak, and I fetch it from my pocket. My heart skips a beat when I see I have pictures and audio messages from Layla. I open the message, and the picture I see makes my eyes widen as I stare at it in disbelief.
Oh, my God.
“What is it?” Ellen asks, taking a step forward.
“I know who was feeding Miles information. Layla just sent it to me.”
They stare at me, gauging my reaction. I return my gaze to the screen and stare at the person who betrayed me. I should have known. It couldn’t have been anyone else. I dial Joan’s number and wait as it rings.
I have to go to New York.
Chapter twenty-nine
Layla
Miles enters the bar, and I follow behind him with my head bent. The smell of stale beer and cigarette smoke almost triggers my nausea as I move to the corner of the bar and take a seat. My table is littered with half-full glasses of beer, and the seat is somewhat wet from spilled beer.
