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She narrows her eyes. “You could have surrounded her with soldiers. Put her somewhere far away from all of this, far from you. If it was just about protection, it would have been easy.”
I’m shaking my head again, faster and faster, the longer she talks. Frustrated by her advice, I can’t control how loud I’m talking. “I can’t do any of that! Don’t you get it? Isn’t it obvious that she has to be next to me at all times?” I sound insane. “If she was elsewhere, she wouldn’t be here! If she wasn’t here, then she …”
She wouldn’t be with me.
I jerk backward like someone has punched me. Ulyana rests her palm on my shoulder again. It’s pointless though; nothing can heal the epiphany I’ve just had.
I thought all along what I felt was simple lust. Something blended with guilt over mixing Galina up in this war of mine. When I went after her, I was sure it was a surface-level frustration at her distrust in me.
No one has gotten under my skin like her.
That’s not true. My fingers tug at my prayer beads. One other person in my life has. And that person is gone.
Thanks to alcohol softening my walls and allowing me to ramble until I can’t speak anything but the truth … I know what’s really causing me to feel like this.
I love her.
42
GALINA
I pick up my phone, then set it down again on my bed.
Come on. Just make the call!
It’s a struggle knowing what you have to do while being unable to do it. After what happened with Arsen, I returned to my bedroom with my spine strengthened by determination. But that all failed the second I pulled up Audrey’s number in my phone. Seeing her name made what I had to do become real.
Frustrated by my inability to ask for help, I throw my phone down, holding my scalp in both hands. I should be better than this! I’d tell anyone else to fight for their life and escape, to not hesitate no matter what. Annoyed at myself, I head into my bathroom. Dad’s brooch will make me feel better.
Opening the cupboard under the sink, I feel for where I placed it in the box of documents. My fingers discover nothing but air. Ice creeps over my heart. I yank out the box, digging through the contents with increasing fear.
No! Where is it?
“Looking for this?”
I shoot my eyes upward in panic. Ulyana stands in the bathroom doorway. In her fingers, held up like a fragile snowflake she’s expecting to melt, is my brooch. Trying to control my emotions, I rise slowly, my voice neutral. “How did you find that?”
“It’s my job to keep this home tidy. There’s no spot, no matter how easily ignored, that I don’t check for dirt.” She turns the brooch from side to side curiously. “I never know what I’ll find sometimes when I’m cleaning.”
Does she know what it is? If she saw the photos Arsen had arranged in the room when I first arrived, she might have seen it then. Even if she doesn’t grasp the importance of the brooch, she can read between the lines from me hiding it under my sink and know it’s something I was keeping secret. If she shows it to Arsen, he’ll know I slipped out of the house. He’ll interrogate me ... find out Mila helped me. I don’t want her to get in trouble because of me.
My mouth is drying out the longer I hold steady. “What do you plan to do with my dirt?”
“Nothing.” She tosses it to me. I catch it, my jaw dropping wide in shock. “It’s not my business to categorize your personal things.”
Clutching the smooth oval, I cradle it against my chest. “You won’t tell Arsen?”
Her eyes grow sympathetic. “Devushka, you might think I tell him everything, but I know when to keep a secret. Some things belong between family and family alone.”
Family.
She knows this is the rose from my father’s funeral.
I start breathing faster. The fear about the brooch is gone—I’m roused by hope. I swallow uneasily, debating if I should ask what I’m about to.
“If someone told you he was dangerous … that they had to get away from him … Would you keep that to yourself, too?”
At first, she just watches me quietly. Then she stares pointedly at my neck. Walking forward too quickly for me to prevent it, she lifts my hair out of the way. “Did he hurt you?”
