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“It wasn’t what you think. It wasn’t… It was… I don’t know how to say it.”
I’m clenching the steering wheel so damn hard, ready to tear something to pieces, smash the whole damn car up. I can’t believe how badly I want to hurt anybody who’s ever hurther. It’s this sudden thunder in me.
“Over the clothes,” she says, and then gulps like she’s drowning.
I pull the car over and park on the sidewalk. She’s gasping with her hands on her stomach. She pushes the car door open, shuddering. I quickly run after her. She’s breaking apart. I take her hands and look into her eyes. “Breathe, Mia. Just breathe.”
Even with her breath trying to strangle her, she tries to smile through it, a shaky battle against her pain. It’s like she’s trying to downplay it. People walk around us on the sidewalk. “Suh-sorry,” she says as if she’s doing something wrong.
“Mia, relax. Please.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry,” I snap.
“How am I supposed to relax when you’re yelling at me?”
I move closer, slower, trying to tame the darkness in me. She’s right. “You don’t,” I say, my voice getting softer. “You’re allowed to be… whatever you are.” I sigh, finishing lamely.
She starts to breathe slowly, then smiles it all away again. “It’s stupid, Dante. Storming out of the car like that. All melodramatic.”
I shrug. “Better that than keeping it all locked inside, right?”
“Right?” she repeats, raising her eyebrow. “Is that your mantra, too? You’re not exactly unlocked, are you?”
“Pfft. With you, Mia, compared to everybody else? Yes, I am.”
“Did you justpfftme?” she says, with another gorgeous smile. Every one is like a gift that shoots me up with little bursts of dopamine.
“Shall we go back to the car?”
“Pfft.”
I laugh, then she laughs, and it feels so perfect momentarily. Then another car pulls up. It’s Luca. He rolls down his window. “Lovebirds, let’s get moving. Colt’s waiting on us. Remember, we’re in public. Where is the etiquette these days?”
It takes me a second to realize what he’s talking about. It’s my hands on her hips, hers resting on my chest. It’s the obvious connection between us. Mia slowly lowers her hands. “I’m okay,” she says.
“You told me. I know it was hard for you, but you did it, Mia. You’re strong.”
“I never have to say it again,” she whispers, her eyes on the ground.
“Not if you don’t want to.”
“And it doesn’t make you…” She bites down and gets into the car. I get into the driver’s seat, waiting for her to go on, but she doesn’t. She folds her hands and stares out of the window. I wonder if I should ask her again, but I don’t want to push her.
We keep driving. Soon, it’s time for me to take the intersection that will lead to Colt’s house or the road that will drive to Leonardo’s house, where her dad is waiting for her. “It’s your choice,” I tell her. Luca has already gone ahead. He doesn’t know what we’re planning, what we’re considering.
A car honks its horn behind me. I look in the rearview, almost wanting a fight, almost wanting a way to make this pain somehow manageable.
“I’ve already told you,” she says, her voice tight.
I keep driving. This is probably a mistake, but I can’t make her decisions for her. I’ll be there every step of the way. What if Tony tells me to leave the room? What if he tries to pull rank on me? What if I black out again?
“Are you okay?” she asks, her voice getting softer.
“Don’t worry about me,” I tell her.
“But you can worry about me?”
