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“I want to dress her. I don’t want to leave, Aleks.”
“We’ll come back soon, I promise. You can dress her if you’re quick about getting ready yourself.”
“I can skip washing my hair! I don’t need long.” She leaps out of bed and takes Ivy by the hand as if I just told her we were going to Disney World.
I don’t know if I’ll ever really understand women.
I stand with my arms crossed, just watching them. Harper opens the dresser Polina bought yesterday and picks out two little outfits. “Which one?” she says. “Pink or purple?”
Ivy points to the pink one and Harper nods. “Smart choice. Come here, and let’s get you ready to meet your auntie.”
After we’re dressed, we go downstairs to the kitchen. Polina’s practically pacing. “Oh my God, I thought you’d never come down! I’ve been dying to meet you, Ivy!”
She crouches down and waves to Ivy. “Hey there, sweetie. My name is Auntie Polina.”
“Elsa!” Ivy says, her eyes wide.
Elsa?
Harper and Polina burst out laughing.
“Someone wanna fill me in on the joke?” I mutter.
Harper grins. “Elsa’s a Disney princess with long, long blonde hair. She’s sort of iconic with her big blue eyes and blonde hair and blue dresses.”
Okay, that’s kinda cute. “Polina, Elsa, whatever, we’re starting to interview nannies today. I want them to go through a few rounds of questioning and background checks. Will you help?”
“Of course!” Polina holds out her hand and helps Ivy up to the table. “Would you like some breakfast?”
Ivy nods. Something in me loosens, but I can’t determine what it is. It’s cozy here in the little kitchen. Domestic, even. My heart surges in my chest knowing that we have the power to make this a better life.
“Do we have to leave?” Harper says, biting her lip. “She’s so sweet and I want to eat breakfast with her.”
“We do. I had everything set up for us and we have to get this done. I promise, we’ll spend plenty of time with her later. We’ll even go to one of those little stores at the mall and get a balloon or something.”
Harper’s lips twitch. “Aleks, the look of actual pain on your face when you said mall?—”
Polina slices a banana into little coins and shakes her head. “I’m impressed, brother. Very impressed. But don’t forget you promised Mom we’d have lunch.”
“Do I ever forget anything?”
Polina thinks it over and finally shakes her head. “Definitely not.”
“Great,” Harper mutters. I tug a lock of her hair.
“Let’s go.”
In the dense, shadowed forest behind my house, the air is thick with the smell of damp earth, the carpet of pine needles and leaves muffling Harper’s quick footsteps. Her whole presence seems like a contradiction, like a miracle pieced together —delicate in appearance but with an air of unspoken strength. She’s excited.
“You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to do this,” she says, her eyes shining. She’s practically vibrating with excitement. “I found one of my father’s guns once, and it felt so amazing in my hand, but then he caught me and he beat the shit out of me.”
Beat the shit out of me.
I’ll remember that.
Not that Kolya didn’t beat our asses if we fucked around with any weapons, but that’s different.
“You must remember safety is everything when you’re using a gun,” I tell her while I look over our pistol range. The targets are a series of concentric circles painted on steel plates — simple, but useful. The same type Kolya used with us when we were younger.
