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CHAPTER 1
LILY
The weight of silk and tulle cascades down my body, a confection of lace and dreams spun into the perfect wedding dress. I stand in front of the full-length mirror, the soft glow of morning light filtering through the sheer curtains. My mother’s eyes, twin pools of pride, meet mine in the reflection.
“Darling, you look breathtaking,” she coos.
The bridesmaids chime in with their chorus of awe. Everyone is excited. Everyone is thrilled.
“Absolutely stunning, Lily!” My college friend Bethany claps daintily, her excitement bubbling over like champagne.
“Rick is going to lose his mind when he sees you.” Anna, my second cousin, fluffs the train of my gown.
Meanwhile, Meg, my third bridesmaid and my best friend, stands silently in the corner. She’s had little to say all morning, and even though she’s smiling, I feel like something is off.
I force the corners of my mouth upward, crafting the smile of a blushing bride-to-be. But inside? Inside, there’s no flutter of anticipation, no fiery passion igniting at the thought of the man waiting for me at the altar. I always imagined love would be an inferno, not this… tepid warmth.
“Thank you,” I murmur. My voice is a ghostly echo of the joy everyone expects me to feel.
And I am happy… just not as happy as I thought I would be today.
I like Rick. Maybe I’m not in love with him, the way I always imagined I would love the man I marry, but it’s good enough.
It’s what my parents did; they married first, then let the garden of affection grow from a practical seed. And they’re happy now, aren’t they?
“Your father is making sure everything is running smoothly downstairs,” Mom says. “You know how he loves these events.”
“Of course,” I reply, trying to seem grateful for the reminder that nothing less than precision is acceptable in our world.
Where we come from, in the highest echelons of American society, even love must be curated — arranged just so — like the flowers in the centerpieces or the seating chart that took weeks to finalize.
I can’t shake the feeling of being a doll myself, dressed up and placed in a setting where I don’t quite belong. I’m about to marry Rick, a man who is perfectly nice, perfectly well-off, perfectly suitable. The heir to a yacht company who has never known a day without luxury, just like me.
And why shouldn’t I marry Rick? I’ve been in the dating game long enough. I know how limited the options are. At thirty, I’m ready to settle down. I want security. I want kids.
“Ready to go?” my mother asks, her voice cutting through my reverie.
“Ready,” I confirm, stepping forward with a practiced grace. I am ready to play my part, ready to walk down that aisle not towards a man I love but towards a future I’m ready to embrace nonetheless. Love, I tell myself, has to start somewhere. Maybe it starts here.
I start to follow my mom to the door, but Meg’s hand closes over mine, her grip firm and grounding.
“Can we talk?” she asks, her eyes big.
My mom sighs and looks at her designer wristwatch.
“It’ll just be a minute,” I tell my mom. “The wedding can’t start without me.”
I let Meg guide me through the sea of chiffon and out of the room. We find refuge in a small parlor, away from the prying eyes and eager smiles. It’s quiet here, save for the ticking of an ornate clock on the mantel and the distant murmur of guests.
“Is this what you really want, Lily?” Meg’s concerned brown eyes search mine.
I draw a deep breath, feeling the weight of my wedding dress and the life it represents. “You know how long I’ve been searching, Meg. And think about some of the truly awful relationships I’ve had. I’ve dated enough to realize that fairy tales are just… stories.”
“Even if there’s no spark with Rick?”
“Sparks fade,” I say firmly, trying to convince myself as much as her. “I want a family, stability. That’s what matters. I want children of my own, and if I wait for true love to show up at my door, I might be too old by then. I can’t risk it.” I trace the delicate lace overlay of my gown, thinking of the children who might one day play at its hem.
They’re what matters. And Rick will be a good father. He doesn’t need to be a dream husband.
