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“I promise I’m doing the best that I can. I know you must think that I’m not even looking. That I’d pretend to go search with no intention of clearing your name, just to leave you no other option but to stay here with me. I know how suspicious it must be that I suddenly can’t find a single killer when I could find them so easily before. But I swear to you, it’s not intentional.”
Even though he can’t see me, as my face is turned away from him, my eyes suddenly blink wide open.
Perhaps it’s a sign of my own naivety, but that thought had never occurred to me.
But Rukh wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t lie to me like that. He wouldn’t trick me for his own selfish reasons.
Would he?
20
RUKH
Returning to our camp empty-handed once more the next day, I find Annette's eyes full of quiet understanding. “Still nothing,” I say, stating what could remain unsaid. “I do not know where the problem lies. How can I not see something that must be right in front of my face?”
"Perhaps some part of you is fighting yourself. It secretly wants to delay success," she suggests, cutting right to the core as she always does. "I’m not saying you know you’re doing it. I’m just saying it would be understandable, since you have an emotional interest in the outcome, for that to cloud your mind a bit.”
“What?” I shake my head, disturbed by the implication that my powers have been compromised by emotion. “That is a ridiculous thing to say, I am a demon! I have no emotional investment in anything!”
“Yes, and when was the last time you didn’t catch your prey?”
“The draek the first day I met you.. Come to think of it, I do see a pattern. I always catch my prey, so the problem must be you.”
“Oh, really now, so I’m the problem? I’ll just be on my way then.”
“Let’s not be rash here,” I say, taking another step toward her. “The notion is ridiculous, I am a hunter through and through. Just this morning I caught breakfast with my own two hands.”
Yet the more I consider it, the more possible it seems. This journey together has awakened unfamiliar feelings within my ancient spirit. A closeness with her I'm loathe to relinquish. I’d never break a promise to her on purpose, but it’s possible that there’s some sort of mental block interfering.
Tonight I will redouble my efforts and locate this hidden foe, no matter what it takes. No matter how I feel about it, I made Annette a promise and I intend to keep it.
But first, I need to find a solution to her accusation. Could she be right? Has some buried part of me sabotaged this hunt? How do I undo that?
I pace our moonlit camp, struggling with the implication. Never before have I doubted command of my own mind and body. Since I first awoke, my demonic gifts have responded perfectly to my will.
Yet now, try as I might to focus my preternatural senses, this quarry remains maddeningly elusive. Is there truly a traitorous part of my spirit working against the hunt's completion?
“If so, how does one track and conquer an enemy within oneself? All my cunning is matched against outward foes, not my own… conflicted nature.”
Annette watches me, her green eyes soft with empathy. She believes my reluctance to find closure is born of affection, not malice or deception. Which in a way is true, if that’s in fact what has occurred.
"Could it be true?" I mutter, still pacing around the campfire. "Have I somehow lost mastery over my own mind?"
Annette looks up from sewing a tear in her cloak. "I know you don't mean to fail me," she says gently. "But the heart wants what it wants."
I shake my head, brow furrowed. "I do not understand how to track and conquer an enemy within my own spirit," I admit.
Annette gives me a sympathetic smile. "It's not about conquering your heart, Rukh. Try listening to it, understanding it."
I meet her green eyes, more lost than ever. "You speak in riddles, little one! My gifts have never faltered until now. What has changed?"
"You have," she says simply. "Being together has awakened new feelings in you. The hunt may have to wait until whatever is different in your spirit is ready."
I stare at the fire moodily. Mortal emotions remain unfathomable to me. How can I resume the hunt when the most cunning adversary dwells in my own conflicted breast? For now, only questions without answers plague my restless mind.
From the corner of my eye, I see Annette watching me with that same amused, affectionate look. Dense as I can sometimes be, even I start to comprehend her meaning
I let out an exasperated sigh. "Suppose, hypothetically, I did have certain… feelings awakened by our time together."
