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Aunt Esme forced us all to participate in decorating it so we are quite sick of the color pink right now.
We enter quietly and zero our gazes in on the white crib right in the middle as the curtains billow in different directions from the wind slipping inside this magical space filled with bright colors.
“I think she’s sleeping,” Remi whispers, and we nod, tiptoeing to the crib.
We all gasp as we look at her.
She’s wearing a blue onesie, her chest rising and falling as she sleeps, pressing her cheek to the pillow, and her dark hair contrasts with the white everything all around her. She’s so tiny and cute, and how do people hold someone so small?
We might break her!
“She’s beautiful,” Octavius whispers as we study her. “I think she looks like Santiago.” That’s when she opens her eyes, and a clear blue meets us, and we gasp again. “She even has blue eyes!” Remi says, and his tone breaks my heart.
She’s truly a female version of Santiago, and if we don’t have him…at least we have part of him with us.
“They can still change with time. We’ll know for sure in a couple of weeks,” I say. “She’s not crying.”
“Let’s introduce ourselves. Hi, princess. We are Octavius, Florian, and Remi.” Octavius points at us with his finger. “We’re your brother’s best friends. He’s not here now, but he’ll come back.”
“And until he comes back, we’ll be there for you and act as your older brothers. You’ll never be alone,” Remi finishes for him, and she makes a fussing sound. “Huh! I think she agrees.”
“Remi is suddenly an expert in all things related to babies. Maybe it’s gas.” I laugh at this, and Remi glares at me. “What would Santiago do? What should we do?” Octavius asks, and once again we grow silent because we have no clue.
We never discussed siblings with him.
Before any of us can reply, we hear Uncle Lucian’s voice. “Boys! Come here. I want to show you something.”
Octavius and Remi jump up, already running to the hallway, and I shake my head. They have this reflex of always doing whatever my godfather says immediately, no questions asked. “Florian!” they call after me.
“I’ll be right there.”
When I’m left alone with Jimena, we stare at one another, and I trace my finger over her cheek as she grumbles something. “I don’t know what Santiago would want me to do.” Especially if he knew about my dark cravings…the voices in my head that makes even the smallest of knives appealing and paint different images in my mind of cutting flesh open and seeing what’s inside.
They never went away, and the need to do something to someone just grows within me, but I control it.
My friends depend on me, and I can’t let them down. It’s my job to be strong and rein in my darkness because Octavius and Remi would crumble under the weight of their own traumas.
I should stay away from Jimena. She’s an angel and will stay that way, as her parents will never allow anyone to ruin her. But isn’t it better for the princess to be guarded by the villain rather than a brave knight who serves a higher mission?
The villain serves no one but those who he chooses to serve.
“I promise you, little Jimena…I’ll be whatever you need. I’ll always protect and love you. As long as I’m alive, no one will hurt you. That’s a promise I make to you because that’s what Santiago would have expected.” I freeze when she catches my finger and smiles. “You agree, princess?” She fusses a little. “He’s not here, but we are. And we will always be on your side.”
Life has a tendency to surprise us in the most unexpected ways.
I gave Jimena my promise, intending to treat her like part of the family because that’s what she is.
I was her friend when she needed a friend, a confidant when she had to share her pain and secrets, and a protector whenever she got in trouble.
Over the years, I acted out different roles in order to be there for her, as her happiness was vitally important to me.
I never acted like a brother, though, because that place belonged to my best friend.
Ironic, isn’t it?
No matter what I say now, it won’t matter, as the world will always see me as someone who corrupted her innocent mind.
That’s okay.
