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It can’t be called a true love because love requires two people to have feelings for each other.
Everything else is just a delusion.
Funny, isn’t it?
No matter how much your soul aches…
You can never speak about it.
Because even the world has no place for your heartbreak.”
Jimena
From Jimena’s emails to Florian…
Hi Florian!
I promised to write to you while you’re away, spending your summer in Europe and enjoying every minute of it (according to my brother, who kept showing me your pictures).
It was a little secret between us, one among many.
The kind where you told me to express all my emotions if something bothered me, and you’d always find a way to listen. You even bribed one of the guards to take my letters (in case my computer stops working or I don’t figure out how to write an email) and deliver them to you no matter where you are in the world.
Well, I’m very sad and hurt right now, Florian.
My heart aches, breaking into tiny little pieces while tears drip on the keyboard, so I have to wipe them away with a tissue. (Sorry in advance for all grammar mistakes!)
As you know…I’m playing harp, and I love it.
The minute my eyes landed on the instrument all those years ago, I was mesmerized by it and stayed glued to it ever since. Even now, my fingers itch to drum some strings and listen to the sweetest of melodies that always manage to calm me down.
In my music school, we have a show tomorrow where each one of us gets to perform on the stage in front of all the parents and family friends.
I was so excited, practicing all the time, and couldn’t wait to show off all my skills to everyone.
Today, though, my dreams were crushed.
During breakfast, Pápá and Santiago had a huge fight (as always) that resulted in Santiago leaving and taking our private plane to Italy, where, apparently, he decided to spend a whole week with Remi and Octavius.
Mama cried for hours and locked herself in a studio while Pápá took an impromptu business trip, probably so they wouldn’t fight some more because nothing they do ever works for my brother.
They forgot…
They all forgot about their promise to attend my show.
It hurts so much, Florian.
To always be the invisible child because their eldest one’s hurting all the time.
Of course I smiled. And pretended that I was happy and even managed to get Mommy to have dinner with me, and the whole time, I hoped…
Hoped for her to remember that tomorrow is my show, but she never mentioned it. Just said that we would go somewhere once she finished her latest art piece, and you know how long it takes once she’s in the process…
I’m all alone, Florian.
My first performance and there will be no one but Pablo and George to keep me company (they remembered and tried to reassure me, not that it helped).
I know I probably shouldn’t say this, and I feel so bad for saying it anyway.
