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She nodded.
“I was never allowed to think like that,” I admitted, even as pathetic as it sounded. “I was raised to be a robot wife, popping out heirs for whoever brokered a deal for our alliance.”
“Jesus,” she said, then tilted her head. “Wait, isn’t that person Gareth now?”
I chuckled. “On paper, yes. And I won’t lie to you, sleeping with him is absolutely a dream. One I’d had long before I knocked on his door on New Year’s Eve. And while I wouldn’t be opposed to having his babies, I know I need to figure out who I am first.”
My admission came effortlessly, and it radiated through me like the ripples in disturbed water.
I checked myself internally, allowing the truth to play out a visual in my head.
My belly swollen with Gareth’s child. A little girl with his pale green eyes and my blonde hair, or a son with his dark hair and my blue eyes. Gareth would be a loving father and an incredible husband. He’d already proven as much, but I’d had no idea that I was that attached already.
“You could go to college,” Daisy offered. “That’s where a lot of people discover their passion. Uncover what they want to do by trying a lot of different things. Or there are trade schools. Hell, you could even just take random classes to see if anything sparks your interest.”
The possibilities she laid out filled me with hope, but they were instantly dashed. “I was tutored my entire life, but I highly doubt I could even get accepted into a college. With the way my father was about control, he ensured my education was minimal. Just enough to make it by, but nothing extensive.”
“What a prick,” she said, then flashed an apologetic look.
I waved her off. “He is a fucking prick.”
Daisy’s eyebrows raised as she barely held back a smile. “I like it when you get all sassy,” she said. “It suits you. You know, if I were you, I’d make a list.”
“A list?”
“Yeah, a list of things you’ve always wanted to try but never did. Or things that pique your interest now. Cooking, baking, sky-diving, whatever you want.”
“And then…” I let my voice trail off.
“Then you think on it. See which ones excite you the most and try that first. And so on.”
I nodded, liking the idea.
“Plus, I’m sure Gareth would be more than happy to help with anything on it,” she said. “Especially if the tasks were closer to what I write about in my books.”
We both laughed at that, and it felt unnaturally good to share the companionship of a female who hadn’t been forced into my company.
She liked me for the new me I was becoming and had always been kind to the old me, too. She’d never tried to breach those boundaries I put up in fear of repercussions from my father. But now those walls were lowered, and on the other side I found genuine friendship.
Not just from her, but also the other girls. And in Gareth. It wasn’t until I found those things that I realized how deprived I’d been in my previous life.
While all of that was hopeful and optimistic, I still didn’t have a clue what I genuinely wanted, but I liked her idea of creating a list. I could do that now without the fear of my father finding it and killing any dream I might have.
I just had to figure out something to write down.
It was well after nine when Gareth finally made it home, finding me in our bedroom, finishing up one of Daisy’s books.
“Long day?” I asked after one look at him. His usually hard features were…drained. I had no other way to describe it. It made my stomach drop.
“Long,” he confirmed, sliding off his jacket and loosening his tie.
I pressed my lips together, guilt churning beneath my skin. I had no doubt the heaviest item weighing on him was my father’s lack of response to his more than fair requests.
“I’m going to shower,” he said, sighing as he looked me over. “You okay?”
I nodded, unable to answer for fear my voice would crack.
He gave me a soft smile, then headed toward his bathroom.
