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I didn’t want to, but being practically shoved off the barstool meant I had no choice. Nate was still at the other end of the bar, prepping limes. He didn’t even look up as I stopped in front of him. “How are you, Nate?”
“Fine.”
Fine? What kind of answer is fine? “Shara says you’re doing really well. Says you’re a natural.”
“She’s a great boss.”
“She is.” I nodded. “No more trouble since opening night?”
“None.”
Silence again. Okay, this is painfully awkward.
I took a breath, reminding myself that he was just a man. Be brave, Mari. “Nate, I?—”
He set the knife down sharply and looked at me. Eyes that had always been warm were cold for the first time, and I hated it. Nate was looking through me like I didn’t exist. “Look, Mari, you seem great. Really. But whatever you think is happening here, isn’t. Not only are you my boss’s boss’s boss, but you’re also…”
He cringed. He didn’t even have to say it. A kingpin. A murderer. A criminal.
A Marcosa.
I could feel that little piece of me that he’d unearthed disappear again. I should’ve known better. To Nate and everyone else in our world, I was never going to be just Mari. I would always be the ruler of Seattle. I’d been stupid to assume he’d think anything different.
He ruffled his hair, shifted on his feet when I didn’t answer. “I’m sorry?—”
“Don’t be. You’re right.” Did my voice sound flat to him too? The way he looked at me, I assumed so.
“Am I fired?”
It was a nausea-inducing reminder that Nate didn’t know me, and he never would. I spoke calmly, albeit through my teeth. “I don’t fire people who don’t want to be with me. I’m not a fucking predator.”
“I didn’t mean?—”
“Your job is safe, and so are you.”
“Mari…” I waited for him to say something, but he just walked away, leaving my chest hollow.
For someone I barely knew, Nate’s rejection stung. His reasons were sound, but he was also one of the first men I’d ever actually wanted more than a night from. I wanted to get to know him and to have him get to know me. The real me.
And he didn’t want me back.
I knew the disappointment was all temporary, but fuck, I was tired. Exhausted. Something had to change.
“Mari…” Shara’s voice was hesitant, and I could hear the pity.
“Don’t.” I dropped a kiss on her cheek and headed for the door. I needed a second alone. “Send Grey out when he’s done.”
I’d been running nonstop for months, and I needed a reprieve. A moment to breathe. A fucking break. When was the last time I’d let loose and enjoyed a night off? Lost myself in the feel of another person’s body? Hell, when was the last time I’d had an orgasm that wasn’t a quickie in the shower?
I didn’t know the answer to any of it, and that was a problem.
Dominic was the first to find me in the car after ten minutes of quiet breathing. “You okay?”
“Just needed a break.”
He hummed and looked me over. “Need something else, mariposa?”
A sharp bark of laughter tore through me, and I was asking before I’d thought it all through. “A night out to dance my stress away. You interested?”
