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A heavy beat of silence passed before he spoke. “Thank you for letting me stay tonight.” He didn’t try to leave, and I appreciated it. It had been too dangerous before. Now that he knew our plans, he had to stay close or he’d be a prime target for Cash’s men and a danger to us.
“Of course.” When he didn’t say anything else, I walked to the door. “I’ve got some work to do before bed. Tennessee will escort you to your room.”
Nate grabbed my elbow, and Tennessee straightened from his slouch against the wall, but I waved him off. I didn’t need his help to put Nate down; I just didn’t want to.
Tennessee glared but settled again when Nate dropped my arm.
“If you’re going to war because of me, don’t,” he pleaded. “You don’t know me well enough, but I’m telling you I’m not worth it.”
“You’re right,” I said softly. “We don’t know each other well, so let me be clear. I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing it because this is my city. I fought for it, struggled under the weight of it, I buried my family in its soil. It’s mine, and I always fight for what’s mine. I’m not going to let some no-good cockroach with a heightened sense of self-worth come in and destroy it just to prove he can.”
We were in each other’s space, breathing the same air. We hadn’t been this close since he’d rebuffed me, and I wanted to pull away. To show that he didn’t have any sway over me. But one look in his eyes told me he thought every word he said was the truth, and it hurt me to know that Nate thought so little of himself. That inside him, a piece of self-hatred dug deep into his psyche, telling him he had no value.
Pissed or not, I couldn’t accept that a man who’d stopped to help change a flat tire and stepped into an ambush, who’d protected me from a bomb blast when my rival blew up his car, wasn’t worth the fight.
“Just…don’t get into this for the wrong reasons.” Nate’s voice was heavy with unspoken worries, but he could keep them. I was too tired to pry.
“Even if I was, that’s my choice to make.” He nodded, and I curled my hands tighter, trying to stave off the urge to run my hand down his arm. Nate didn’t want my comfort, and I wasn’t going to use the time he was in my home as a way to get closer. He’d given me an answer, and I was going to respect it, no matter how much it sucked.
I turned back to my desk to start writing a list of names for the first wave of evacuations, letting him see himself out, when a thought hit me square in the chest.
Who did Nate care about? He hadn’t mentioned a partner, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have one or a family of his own.
“Nate?” He turned back, and I nodded to Tennessee. “Let us know if there’s anyone of yours we should be guarding too. Partner, spouse, kids, whoever. We’ll add them to the evacuation protocol.”
He nodded, gaze darting away, and I had my answer. There was someone out there he cared about, someone he wanted to protect. The same someone he would never tell me about, if the set of his shoulders was anything to go by. I didn’t blame him.
Nate and I had no real reason to trust each other, yet we kept ending up in situations that required it, either for our survival or the survival of those we loved. There was nothing I could do about it, except prove that I wasn’t going to fuck him over and vice versa, but that took time we didn’t have. Maybe by the end of everything, we’d be friendlier than we were before because friends were all we’d be. Friends.
I had too much self-respect to pine for a man who didn’t want me and clearly had someone else he did want.
“For what it’s worth, Nate…the moment you started working for me, you became mine too. I’ll fight for you like I’d fight for anyone else.”
A nod was his only answer as he let Tennessee shepherd him into the hallway and shut the door behind them. I focused on my list, trying not to let his final whispered words hold space in my head.
“Let’s hope it doesn’t get you killed.”
Chapter Sixteen
Mari
Leaving Nate at home was harder than expected. Despite my instinct to trust him, the thought of him in my space—guards or not—unsettled me. The house was a maze of secrets and spoils, and we didn’t know who held his loyalty. Even with Tennessee’s assurances that he’d glossed over the important sections of the house and knowing they were protected, I kept the video feed up on my phone.
“There’s nothing he can get into, reina. I made sure of it.” Grey laid his hand on my thigh, stilling the unconscious jiggling. Warmth spread from his skin to mine, and even as I craved it, I moved away and stared out at the rain-soaked streets. Grey’s hand tightened for a second, then slid off my leg and back onto his lap. He didn’t speak for the rest of the drive, but I could see in his face how badly I’d hurt him.
That was the problem, though. I couldn’t get what I wanted without hurting someone, and the last person I wanted to bear that cost was Grey. He was my person, but the robbery was a wake-up call. I’d let Rey’s death lull me into a complacency that couldn’t stand. My leadership of Seattle was only maintained by a small margin on a good day. The other territories were nearly equal, their forces the same as well. Just because my family had a long-standing history as heads of Seattle didn’t mean shit. We still had to defend our claim. I still had to defend it. Yet, here we were, heading into a situation where I couldn’t demand help from the other heads. The Aces weren’t affecting them directly, so I had to bargain for assistance. And I knew what Sean O’Bannon would ask for.
Greyson.
The Irish were our biggest allies, our greatest supporters. It’d taken years to form that bond, and I had no clue what would happen if I declined Sean’s proposal. Would he remove his support of me and throw in his lot with Cash and the Aces? Would he come after me for the insult? Would he turn the other heads against me and stage a coup, taking my power for himself?
I didn’t know, and that meant Grey and I had no future together. Because it was looking more and more likely that I’d have to give him up to defend our home.
My only saving grace was we’d only had one night. Outside the lifetime of loving each other from afar, Grey and I had only crossed the line once, and the club already felt like a fever dream. A moment outside of reality. With morning came clarity that we’d done something that couldn’t be taken back. Something that had consequences for more than just us.
Geneva pulled in front of Elysian Enterprises, our property management corporation. The Elysian team dealt with all the apartment renovations, maintenance requests, and other landlord duties for all of our buildings, including the houses out of the city. Only four stories, the building was much quainter than our usual ones, with the lower two stories rented to local shops, including a massive indie bookstore.
Moore checked with the other security teams before he opened the door at the all clear. The guys got out first, with Grey reaching back to help me out as usual. I let myself take his hand just long enough to get my feet underneath me, then I let go again, shifting away.
