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I deflated. “I know that, and I want you despite all of it.”
“You don’t get to want me despite anything. I’ve survived more than most people could even dream of, and at the end of all this bullshit, I’ll still be standing. I’m practically a miracle.”
“Mari. You need to calm down.”
“No. You don’t get to tell me to calm down.”
“Let’s table this and talk about it tomorrow.”
I found out quickly that was a mistake. Mari’s eyes were nothing but steel and rage as she shoved me backward. I stumbled but didn’t go down, and that seemed to make her even angrier. I grabbed her hands, holding her down, but she got out of my hold quickly enough, springing back on her feet like she was ready for a fight. I almost wanted to give it to her, but I was never going to hit Mari. Not when I was angry, and certainly not unless she begged me nicely.
I lifted my hands in surrender, and thankfully, her stance relaxed into something less dangerous, but it felt like the damage was already done.
“This was who I was always meant to be, Dominic. I was never going to be the wife with the white picket fence and the desk job. That was never my destiny. This was. This life, this job. If you can’t handle that—either because of your misguided attempt to ‘fix’ me, because you’re too much of a bullheaded alpha male to realize that I don’t need a protector, or because you have some internalized misogyny you need to dig out—then get lost.”
This whole situation was so sideways, I didn’t think there was anything I could do to right it again, but I had to try. “Mari, I?—”
“No. I don’t have the time to placate you, Dominic. There’s too much riding on tomorrow, and honestly? It’s not my job to make sure you feel secure in yourself. You’re either with me the way I am, or you’re not. If you don’t want me because of what I chose to become in order to survive, then leave. Accept me or walk away. Those are the only choices.”
There was a pregnant pause, and I knew she wanted me to respond, to deny what she’d said. But I couldn’t. It made me a shitty person, but her job was a major factor in our relationship, and I didn’t know how to move past it yet. I didn’t know how to let go of the life I’d secretly dreamed of. The future I’d hoped for while I was away, where Mari and I had a family outside of the chaos we grew up in.
Where I’d grown to resent the underground, she’d flourished in it, and I didn’t know if we could be compatible because of that.
“Right,” she scoffed, making her way back over to the equipment cabinet and pulling out another set of hand wraps. “Go to bed, Dominic. Just…go away.”
She looked so defeated as she turned back to her workout that I almost went to her, but I couldn’t. She’d laid a boundary down, and if I couldn’t be who she needed me to be, I had to step away. Even if it killed me to do it.
“I love you, mariposa.” I’m sorry.
When she turned to me, my heart nearly broke in two. Despite the strength in her voice, her eyes glittered with tears I knew she’d never let fall. Not in front of me. “No, you don’t. You love the old me, but she’s dead, Dominic. You need to figure out if you’re going to spend the rest of your life mourning her ghost.”
With that, she turned and went back to whaling on the bag, leaving me with just her words.
I shoved through the door, pissed at myself and the world and, yeah, even Mari. She’d had time to adjust to her position, to get comfortable with it. I’d come home in the middle of a crisis to find everything upside down. Was it really a shock that I was struggling?
That’s not why you’re struggling.
“What the fuck ever,” I snarled to no one.
“You okay?”
I jerked my head up, expecting a fire-breathing Greyson ready to rip me a new one. Instead, Nate stood in the hallway, watching me with a hint of concern that told me he’d heard every word of my argument with Mari. His saving grace was he looked just as conflicted as I was. A beat passed in which neither of us said anything before he gave me a single nod and walked back the way he came. Although I was glad to have someone on my side, it just made me feel worse.
Mari deserved people who loved her for who she was, without judgment or reserve. Was I really going to let her position take me out of the running? What if I couldn’t get past it?
I didn’t know, but I had to figure it out and soon, or I knew I’d lose my shot with her.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mari
Morning came too soon, and while I waited for the meeting with Cash, Grey and I did some work in my home office. While he touched base with clients, I checked on Brittany.
Tennessee had put the girl with a trustworthy foster family, but even weeks later, there was still no sign of Sabine—or any of the other informants, for that matter. They were just gone. It broke my heart to hear Brittany cry on the other end of the phone, and I promised myself I’d find out what happened to them, no matter what. It was the least I could do. They were family.
Hanging up with her had a sense of urgency flowing through my veins. Cash needed to go. He had no issues ripping families apart, and I wasn’t going to allow it anymore. For Brittany and Sabine, he needed to die.
I wasn’t prone to overthinking when it came to taking someone’s life, and this was no different. Cash was a cancer in my city and my people. If I let him live, he’d spread until there was nothing but rot, decay, and death at his feet.
