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“And this caused you trauma?”
“This is one of first the things.” He gestured back to the nnirae, and they made their way out of the forest.
Naya nodded, her mind whirling. “How many more are there?”
Akoro glanced at her. “A few more. Some much more serious.”
When they got back to the palace, she struggled to banish her thoughts so she could withdraw into the blurred experience again. Her mind kept going over that dead eerie forest, similar in so many ways to her forest. She couldn’t imagine not having the feel of her favorite magic in her forest—that it would be just a shell. Maybe the reason why magic behaved differently here was because of these disasters.
That night, Akoro eased her on top of his chest, giving her direct access to his delightful, comforting purr and Naya settled herself on top of him, still unable to make her mind blank. He grabbed her hair, lifting her head up. “Do you remember your Haze?”
Naya stilled and then shook her head. She hated how she’d been during her Haze and was still trying not to think about it. He grunted and released her, his hands lowering to squeeze her ass, allowing her to settle back onto him.
When the nightmare came that night, she was standing in the empty Great Hall, her father's weapons bloody and gleaming in the almost darkness. She tried to clean them, but no matter how much blood she wiped away, more kept dripping. Then she saw in the semi-darkness that the hall was full of mutilated bodies. Silent, mutilated, but alive corpses of her family swaying in the hall.
When she jerked awake, Akoro was already purring, pressing her down into the bed with his weight and giving her the comfort she needed while she gasped for breath in horror.
Akoro stroked her, burying his fingers in her hair to run them along her scalp and calm her. "Tell me."
Breath halting, Naya told him the dream.
"You dream like this all the time?" Akoro said, displeasure on his face. “With blood and gore?”
Naya nodded. "Ever since… what happened."
"With your sister Lili."
Near nodded, trying to keep her breathing calm under the power of his purr.
"Your sister died," he said.
Naya nodded. "I killed her."
Something shifted in the Alpha. Naya couldn't tell exactly what it was, whether it was a hint in his scent or the slightly tense muscles. But something changed in the way he held her.
"I'm a monster," she agreed.
"You are not a monster," he said. "I do not believe you killed your sister."
"I did," she insisted.
"How?"
She hesitated, inhaling a breath. "We have a… wasteland area in the empire. We call it the Wasteland because nothing can live there, no person, no plant, no animal. It is ravaged by wild magic so savage, it scorches the sky and there is a white fire that exists across the whole area. It has always existed in a particular area in the south of the empire. No one goes near it, but it is in one of the southern regions.
“Six years ago, the white fire started to stray beyond its boundaries. My people asked me to intervene. As someone who is the most comfortable with magic in the Lox Empire, it made sense for me to attempt it. But this isn't the kind of magic that exists everywhere. It is concentrated and unpredictable.”
Naya took a breath, halting and unsteady. "Lili was my littlest sister, the youngest. She was already a powerful Omega. At five she could already do more complex things magically than I could at that age, and at seven there wasn't much I could do that she couldn’t. She looked up to me, and I doted on her. She was my favorite person in the world." Naya swallowed, tears stinging her nose, but she kept going. “She always had lots of questions about what I did when I went out into the empire—what I’d learned, what magic I tried. Sometimes it was too dangerous to bring her, but if I could, I did. If not, I’d always talk to her about what challenges I faced. She was the only person I could talk to about magic at the level I used it, and I supposed I relied on that. When I was asked to deal with the Wasteland, I knew it was too dangerous for her and I told her she couldn’t come with me.
“I had to decide if I was going to destroy it or confine it back to the area it had always existed. I did my research and decided to confine it. Destroying it was too risky and unpredictable. Anyway, Lili followed me to the Wastelands—she came by portal so she could watch me.”
Naya’s voice started to shake, so she took another breath. “When I realized she was there, I decided to let her stay. She was far enough away and among the general crowd that I didn’t think there would be any danger to her, and I knew she was so excited to watch. I had factored in all aspects of the environment, but I didn’t factor in there being another Omega as powerful as Lili in the vicinity. As soon as I started to wrangle with the white fire, it was drawn to her.”
The smell of burning flesh started to fill the air, and Naya steadied her breathing, trying to push the memory away. It wasn’t real. "The fire tore her apart, and I couldn't do anything about it. It was completely out of control and burned across the country. I still hear her screams, all their screams.”
Naya stopped, words unable to form and Akoro pulled her close, squeezing her into him. “You did not kill her,” he said.
“I should have known better than to tell a seven year old that she could stay and watch something like that,” Naya said sharply. “It was a fucking foolish thing to do.”
