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"I was wrong about Xander and Jenna. They're not dating. Jenna...she played us both."
A smile dashed across my face, but reality erased it. My stomach flipped and flopped. That was good news...and it didn't change the fact that I'd run. That I chose to abandon ship instead of standing by Xander.
I hung my head. "What have I done? What have I-" I choked on my lament as Victoria's thin arms wrapped around me. It wasn't a gingerly given hug. A consolation prize so she could say that she had shown affection to her little sister at least once.
She held on tight and I brought my own arms up to return the hug.
"It's not too late," she murmured. "He ran after you. And I saw that he cares for you. More than cares." She held me by the shoulders and said the words that I felt every time be touched me. "He loves you, Penny."
I felt like everything that had me questioning and frightened to let go had evaporated. The only thing left was a consuming need to make things right.
I cringed, hating that I had to end the rare bonding moment, but she read my mind.
"It's okay," she laughed, stepping aside. "I should get home to my man—and let you go to yours."
I threw a ‘thanks!’ over my shoulder as I booked it out the door. I was doing a whole lot of cardio today, but this time, I wasn't running away. I was running toward my future.
I just hoped it wasn't too late.
Chapter Four: Xander
Coming home to silence, emptiness—it was my reality. In the rare circumstances when I walked through the door with enough energy to pour myself a drink instead of pouring myself into bed, I found a comfort in the solitude. My work day was filled with meetings and phone calls and a constant stream of conversations and decision making. When I came home, I could just coast. Put on some music and let jazz fill the quiet, or just bask in it before I faded into some restless dream.
When I stepped over the threshold and the door thudded shut behind me, the sound echoed for what felt like a lifetime. I dropped my keys on the counter and soundlessly moved to the cabinet. I filled the glass with water, leaving the faucet on. I closed my eyes as I pretended I wasn't thinking about Penny's fingertips skating across the granite as she took in the kitchen with her gold flecked eyes.
I shut off the faucet and chugged the contents in the glass, then dropped it into the sink with a bang. I unbuttoned my jacket and peeled it from my body. I yanked my tie loose and let it fall to the floor. I could care less what was on television, but I turned it on anyway, sinking into the couch, remote in hand. The numbing flipping of channels just intensified the ache that I was running from. We'd made love on this very couch. I'd looked deep into her eyes while our bodies connected in a way that made me lick my lips. Hungry for more of her.
I put my feet up on the coffee table, the images flashing on the television screen a weak distraction that couldn't stand up to the truth. Hungry for more of her—if she were like all the rest then I'd be halfway to forgetting her completely the moment I lined up my next conquest. The mere idea of touching another woman did nothing for me at all. Letting Penny go wasn't an option and it had little to do with the way our bodies seemed destined to be together.
My pride urged me to flip to sports, even though I was an ambivalent follower at best. Testosterone, competitiveness, and cocky analyzers; I needed something to combat all the romance shit that had invaded my head. The endless ticker of scores just reminded me that there were seconds going by, life was going on, and I couldn't shake the knowledge that life without Penny just didn't make sense.
I shut off the TV with a groan. What the fuck was happening to me? Sitting here with knots in my throat and a heaviness that made me want to shut out all light sources and mourn. What was next? Ben and Jerry's? Calling up some therapist so I could share my feelings?
Or you could call up the one person that matters. Share your feelings. All of them.
I gripped the last shreds of my masculinity, kicking myself because I knew it wasn't so much my 'man' card being called into question as it was my stubbornness. And this was progress, wasn't it? I was going to call her. Again. Reach out. Again. I'd even managed to quiet the voice in my head that shouted that I hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't about right and wrong and keeping score. I wasn't too proud to admit that letting Penny get away would be the biggest mistake of my life. If that meant that I needed to call and leave her messages until her mailbox was full, I'd do that. I'd wait outside her door, in between my meetings, send flowers to her school, show her that we had something worth fighting for.
I flicked my thumb and landed on her contact, bringing up the message bubble, then deciding against it. I didn't want my words to get lost in translation. What needed to be said needed verbalization, my lips, my words, direct to her ears—and hopefully, her heart.
Every ring seemed louder than the last, hope flickering wildly. Dangerously. Just when I was ready to accept that I'd be leaving another message, the rings ceased.
The line was silent, so I glanced at the screen to make sure the call was still connected. It was.
"Hello?" I asked tentatively.
I heard a rustling, followed by a whispered syllable. "Hi."
I shot to my feet, a wave of relief sending shock through my entire system. I caught my reflection in the television and my cheeks flushed. I'd become that dude. Wrapped up in someone. In fucking love. I wish I could say it was familiar, because then I'd have some sort of rule book, but I had no idea how to navigate this. The last time I was close was Jenna, and the way I was feeling right now, like everything would be okay, like a condemned man who just got a stay of execution, was a whole new, terrifying world. We hadn't even said more than one word to each other and I was already grinning like an idiot who could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I wiped the smile off my face, clearing my throat gruffly. "Thank you for taking my call."
There was an awkward pause. "You're welcome, I guess."
Business mode was my default mode when I felt unsteady. I wasn't so good at this romance stuff, but walking into a room and being the consummate professional that took charge and delivered was my talent. I couldn't 'business' my way into Penny's heart. I stopped trying to reach for something solid, hiding behind the armor of Xander Wade. If the past few hours had taught me anything it was that all the money, all the titles and prestige meant next to nothing if I didn't have Penny.
"Let me just start off by saying that I-"
"Can we get off the phone?"
