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It looked like a toddler took the block of space, gave it a good shake then dropped it in favor for a shiny new toy. Every chair in the room was upside down. The mirror was splintered, shards of glass glittering on every surface. Bulbs flickered ominously overhead. Clothes were strewn about. Makeup, coffee, and bottles created a Pollock painting of stuff. The last brave soul skittered past me with a look on their face that said ‘Good luck’.
Cade’s back was to me, his muscles pulsing through his blazer like at any moment he’d Hulk out and shred everything to pieces.
He whirled to face me, a scowl on his face that softened when he realized I wasn’t another staffer or Lisa. When I took in his crazed eyes I wanted to retreat, but I remembered that I was the handler. I couldn’t show fear. I was in charge.
I put on a mask. Nothing but business. “What’s the problem, Cade?”
“You look great,” he deflected. He popped the collar of his polo like that changed the rest of his misshapen appearance.
“You look terrible.”
I unwisely stepped in his direction and even with five feet between us, he reeked. He smelled like he guzzled every liquor store in a fifty mile radius.
I pinched my nose closed. “Was there some sort of party I didn’t know about?”
“You tell me,” he winked, giving me a look over. “Looks like I wasn’t the only one living it up. I thought you looked amazing in corporate chic, but club siren looks great on you.”
Under different circumstances, I might have been flattered. But considering he was slurring every other word and was leering at my chest like a first class douche, I swatted the comment away. “The interview is canceled, Cade.”
“Canceled?” His blond eyebrows drew together in confusion, but it only lasted for a minute. “Is this Lisa? Because I told her--”
“This isn’t Lisa, this is me,” I said firmly. “And as a representative of Whitmore and Creighton--”
“A representative?” he scoffed. “That’s all you are to me, huh?”
“Yes, that’s all I am.” My filter must have been on a mojito fueled vacation because I gave it to him straight. “Once upon a time, back when you were just a hot guy in movies where things went boom, I fantasized about you. I wondered what it would be like to meet you. To know you. But this?” My face creased in disappointment as I gestured at the mess. “I’d give anything to go back to the fantasy. I’d give anything to go back to you just being an amazing actor that I put on a pedestal. Because the guy standing in front of me is pretty pathetic.”
He was quiet, his face drawn and blank.
I let out a hiss of frustration. Of course he was too trashed to comprehend what I was saying, so I needed to keep stuff short and straight to the point.
“Interview is canceled.”
I gave the room another glance then stepped toward the door. “We’ll have to apologize to the staff some other time.” With one hell of a swag bag, I thought, making a mental note. “Let’s get you in a cab and--”
“Today’s the anniversary.”
I looked back at him and froze when I saw his eyes were filled with tears.
“I killed her. Seven years ago today.”
I had to have misheard him. Even if I hadn’t, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear more. That privilege stuff was for lawyers and priests.
I pretended that I didn’t hear him, maintaining a safe distance. “Let’s get you home, Cade.”
“I was everything to her,” he trailed on, trudging back to the mirror, gazing into it like he hated who was reflected back at him. “She was just a pretty face to me. I didn’t love her. I mean, if I loved her, I would have written her more when I was in the sandbox instead of putting my dick in every piece of pussy I could find.” He punched the top of the vanity, making me jump. “I didn’t care about the mission or making a goddamn difference. I just cared about myself.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat, thinking, knowing he was about to tell me something horrible. “Cade--”
“She used to say that she couldn’t live without me, that she’d rather die than be alone. Some guy in my platoon with a conscience told her about what happened.” He shook his head. “I thought I was the shit. Like she should have been honored that I decided to stick it out with her. And the other girls? That was just the price she had to pay to be Mrs. Cade Wallace.
When I came back from my tour, she was different. Quiet. But I was still so hung up on myself that I couldn’t see her slipping away. Didn’t see it until it was too late and I...I...I found her.” He gasped, like he was back there. Back in that place. “I found her in the bathtub.”
He didn’t say any more than that but I filled in the blanks. Suddenly his comments about meeting the soldier and feeling like a fake, shying away from his military service, it all made sense.
“I’m not a hero. And I have no right to play one, or profit from it,” Tears lashed down his face. “How can I sit across from that desk and act like one? Act like I’m worth a damn?”
After a day of being on top of the world, feeling like I could take on anything on, I looked at him and felt completely and utterly useless. I couldn’t even begin to relate or understand what it would be like to find my significant other dead at their own hand. Even with this massive, giant of a man brought low, sobbing uncontrollably, I would never truly know what he was going through.
