AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO: Cole
The days that followed us saying we liked one another were spent with Chad leaving early for his new project, and me, newly motivated, expanding my ideas regarding the patents I held in software. A hopeful attitude and a mind that spent less time being miserable added measurable differences to my motivation.
I already had more money than a person could conceivably spend in a lifetime, but I hadn’t been focused on the professional side of my life since Alan left me. I went through the motions of keeping my software updated for new operating devices, or a company’s need to update the way they did business, but hadn’t created any new enhancements or ideas in a decade. I was fortunate my software was universally easy to adapt to different users and continued to sell well.
I liked to rise with Chad each morning when we’d snuggle, or have sex, and then share a cup or three of coffee while he made breakfast for us. He often flitted around the kitchen while cooking in only briefs, his raw sexuality lighting my testosterone on fire. He was so damn cute and positive every morning. I’d never met or witnessed a human that started their day with the attitude that he did. To put it simply, he was a joy to be around.
I snuck up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, my fingers caressing his taught stomach. “You are a virtual ray of sunshine, handsome.”
He wiggled free and spun around, his face beaming. Here again, that ray of sunshine bursting forth from possibly the most handsome face ever. “And you give me a reason to feel that way,” he said, standing on his toes and kissing my nose. “I’m happy here, Mr. Hicks,” he added.
He went back to making our omelets, dropping fresh, diced veggies into his egg mixture. I slid closer and leaned into the back of his ear. “You’re happy here or with me?” I asked, needing something to build on as I struggled to understand how he felt about me.
“Both,” he stated, not turning around. “I love your house, and I love being in it with you.”
I smelled his hair and watched as he waited to flip the omelet. I had a million questions but had decided weeks ago to let our relationship unfold naturally. Despite the fact that my broken heart felt it could never beat again without guarantees, I fought the urge to ruin this wonderful thing I’d discovered.
I was naturally on edge and constantly had to remind myself to simply enjoy the moment, the day, the week, and to accept what we had developed so far. We hadn’t labeled anything. No parameters, no guidelines, no pressures applied to the other. Chad was a loving, free-spirited being, who beat to a different drummer, so why ruin things? I knew I wanted to replicate what he gave me, and if I could focus on that, then perhaps I’d feel safer with each day that passed.
“I’m going to miss you today,” I admitted, nuzzling the back of his head.
He turned the stove off and slid the frying pan off the burner before turning around. He laid his hand on my bare chest and over my heart. “I’ll be right here,” he said. “And you’ll be right here,” he added, bringing our hands to his.
I wanted to burst into tears. I knew I loved him already. Hell, I think I loved him the moment I saw him when I was still in my SUV the day I drove onto my property. Of course, the idea of such nonsense was absurd, but it felt like that to me.
“Can I admit something to you, Chad?” I asked.
“I want to hear whatever you want to share, Cole. I hope you know that.”
“Not to sound like a high schooler here, but I am crushing on you big time,” I confessed.
“Aww,” he began, laying his face against my chest. “I don’t care if you do sound like a high schooler. I like it when you say what you feel. And I like those words, Mr. Hicks.”
“Are they enough to convey how I feel?” I inquired, not sure what I needed or wanted to hear in response.
Chad lifted his head from my chest and gazed into my eyes curiously. “The better question is, are your words enough for you to convey how you feel? You chose them.”
“‘I’m crushing on you’ sounds weak, right?”
“I can live with those words,” he admitted.
I let go of him and turned away, facing the island. My hands nervously gripped the marble edge as I wondered if I was truly this immature.
“I’m not being forthcoming,” I confessed after a moment, still facing away.
The room was quiet as I faced the ocean outside, wishing I could duck under its protective waves as cover for my humiliation at being unable to speak what my heart truly felt. I sensed Chad move closer behind me, carefully sliding his hand across my back before they circled in front and pulled me backward.
“Tell me how you’re feeling, Cole. Tell me without the pressure of the outside world, without the fear of judgment, or the limiting nature of so many feared obstacles to being free with your heart,” he whispered against my skin.
“I’m more than ‘crushing’ on you.”
“Okay. But, what? You’re afraid? Unsure of the words to describe your feelings?” he asked.
“I have the words,” I whispered, leaning over the island, my head hanging. “It’s just… well, fear, I guess.”
“What scares you the most?” he asked, gently rubbing my back as he leaned against me. “Admitting your emotions, or that maybe you’ll be all alone on your own island if my feelings don’t match yours?” He kissed the middle of my back. “Your feelings are yours. Nothing about them is wrong, or average, or immature.”
Who was this young man? He spoke like the master of a domain where nothing you said was wrong. His questioning offered forgiveness before you even asked for it. He’d claimed that Jack spoke to him from beyond. No fucking wonder Jack did. The two of them were from their own extraordinary place, so of course they were connected.
