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With a deep breath, I head back inside and finish the rest of my workday in the same sort of haze I started it in. A little teary-eyed. A lot floaty in the wrong sort of way. It’s not until I’m packing up my things that a text comes through from my brother.
Vaughn: Seriously, asswipe? You’re trying to cut us off? We’re the only family you’ve got. You’re stuck with us.
I sit back down as I type out a response, not leaving any words unsaid this time.
Me: No, I’m not stuck with you. You’re a bully, Vaughn. You’re mean to me because it makes you feel good. You don’t have to agree with my life, but if you can’t speak to me with the respect you would show any human being, then I’m going to block your number. I deserve to be treated with decency. And if that’s not something you can offer, then no, I don’t need you. I have other family.
My heart races as I wait for a response, but one doesn’t come. I take that as a good sign, sticking my phone in my pocket with shaking hands.
Shit. This day.
The trip home passes in a blur. I drive the speed limit. Stop when it’s appropriate. Park my car. Pass the doorman and say hello. Ride the elevator up to the third floor. Open the door.
Teddy looks up from the couch when I step into the apartment, his smile slipping. “Kipp?”
I don’t stop. I walk right over to him, dropping my bag on the way, kicking off my shoes. I climb onto his lap as if I’m not a nearly thirty-year-old man who’s too old for such things. I sink down onto Teddy’s warm thighs, nestle my face in the crook of his neck where his spicy vanilla scent surrounds me like a cocoon, and I let myself be vulnerable.
“Daddy.”
His arms come around me instantly, warm and safe, his hands protecting me from the world at my back. “Yeah, babydoll,” he breathes. “What do you need?”
“Hold me.”
“Anytime you want,” he says, hands smoothing across my back. He rubs circles over my shirt, kisses my temple, murmurs sweet words into my ear. He’s there for me, the way so few people in my life have been.
It’s easy to convince yourself you shouldn’t be sad about certain things. Because other people have it worse. They get kicked out of their homes for coming out of the closet. They work jobs they hate and barely make rent. Maybe they have an abusive partner. Maybe they’re living with chronic pain. There’s always worse, and I haven’t had a bad life. Not by a long shot. I’d even say I’ve enjoyed myself maybe more than most.
But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been lonely. It doesn’t mean I haven’t been sad at times because of that empty space in my chest reminding me of what I was missing.
Teddy saw me trying to fill that void with another night of bad decisions and too much alcohol. He stepped in, and maybe it led to us getting hitched without either of us remembering. But I refuse to count that among one of my bad decisions. It was quite possibly the best.
“Teddy,” I say quietly.
He hums. “What is it, sweetheart?”
“Would you re-marry me?”
He stills, but I rush on.
“Maybe it’s too early to be asking, but I don’t care. You already told me you don’t want a divorce, and no take-backsies,” I say quickly. I ease out a breath before going on. “I just… I want you to know I don’t regret it. I’d do it again. I want to do it again. The right way. I want that.”
When Teddy doesn’t say anything, I lift my head. His gaze is unbearably warm as it meets mine, his expression making it clear exactly what his answer will be.
“Yeah, Kipp,” he says softly. “I’ll marry you again.”
“Really?” I ask, my tension unspooling.
“Believe it or not, I’ve always been yours,” he says softly.
Damn it. There go my eyes again, leaking like a faucet. “Then why did you ignore me?” I ask, the words coming out before I can stop them. “In the beginning, why’d you stay away?”
Teddy swears, and I almost regret asking. My emotions and insecurities are getting the better of me today, and maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up.
But then Teddy’s hands are in my hair, tugging gently, and all of that fear dissipates, just floats away under the reassurance of his touch.
“I was never ignoring you, Kipp,” he says, voice cracking. “I was all too aware of you, and that scared me.”
“Because of Antoni.”
