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Grit your teeth, kid, I told myself. This isn’t a choice.
Dragging my ass around campus or walking with my head held high was irrelevant. All that mattered was that my assignments were submitted on time, my record was clean, and my drills were done to the best of my abilities.
There were moments when I caught myself sitting at my desk or standing in the locker room shower, blanking out, not even sure for how long. Then, as my brain tried to catch up with reality, I would feel like Sisyphus in the moment he reached the peak of the mountain. I would know exactly what it felt like to see the boulder roll down the slope.
Every time I worked hard and did what I had always considered the ultimate achievement in life, it would all roll away from me. It would all unravel and come undone. I would be left alone to gather the pieces and start over.
Well, not entirely alone.
Right now, as I dried myself with a big towel, my skin sensitive from the hot shower, I knew that Tyler was waiting for me. This entire week, he had been waiting for me. After lectures, after drills, and after our Wednesday game. Tyler always had a reason to be near me and I ran out of reasons why he should be elsewhere. It was pointless to argue with him. He wouldn’t let me be alone. He knew it was the worst thing to do and he made it his job to keep me busy and entertained.
I couldn’t think what I’d done to deserve someone like him.
Our Titans were scattered around the locker room. Some had already left, others were naked and rummaging through their duffels. I paused at the door from the showers to the locker room. I was the last one out, a towel tied around my waist.
Beckett was half-dressed, teasing Caden with his wet towel and laughing at Caden’s protests. It was such a high-school tease that it was almost charming. The two grappled, but Caden slammed his lips against Beckett’s and I considered it a truce. Elsewhere in the locker room, Sawyer was dressed for a walk in the cold night, talking on the phone, laughing. He was undoubtedly meeting Noah. And I didn’t have to wonder where Avery was heading in such a hurry. Then, as my gaze moved from one guy to the next, I found Tyler. He stood with a towel tied around his waist and a pair of black boxer briefs in his right hand. He held his phone in his left hand, typing something quickly. His expression wasn’t very tranquil.
My heart murmured that I should try pushing him away again. It didn’t take a lot for me to see that I was an obstacle in his relationship. Yet he would refuse to talk about it. He would be the same old stubborn Tyler, putting everyone else before himself.
And I had to admit that I depended on him. I wasn’t sure what I felt about it, but it was a fact. Right now, I needed him to make me laugh, to get me drunk, to share my bed, and to tell me to stop spiraling into self-pity. “Cry it out and move on,” he had told me.
My gaze moved over his brown hair. It was still wet, darker than normal, but just as wavy. His neck was long, and his shoulders were broad, strong arms bent at the elbows as he embraced the phone with both hands now, his boxers hanging off one finger. His biceps swelled with the motion. As I observed him, my gaze wandered to his chest. Tyler was not as buff as me, but he was every bit as defined. His body was cut where mine was rounded; his skin was light and creamy, and mine was bronze. His eyes were such a light shade of brown that sometimes they looked like honey or aged gold, while mine were dark like my hair.
Tyler lifted his gaze and met mine. His eyebrows danced over his eyes as he nodded a greeting.
For whatever reason, I felt like I was caught stealing. I averted my gaze as the heat slowly climbed to my face. My mouth was dry by the time I reached my spot and rummaged through my pack for clean underwear. I pulled them on under the towel and then proceeded to dress. Tyler accompanied me silently as we headed out. On my way, Beckett slapped my shoulder. “Are you joining us for drinks?”
I imagined three couples sitting around a table with me and Tyler. It opened a pit in my chest. “Next time, Cap,” I said as lightly as I could. Tyler winked at Beckett, who gave a firm nod.
“Promise?” Caden asked with a kind smile on his face.
“Promise,” I said, hesitating only for one heartbeat.
Tyler and I returned to the house on our own. Phoenix had dragged Asher to some bar off campus where Jordan wouldn’t be able to count his sips, apparently, and Jordan accompanied our captain.
After dropping our things off in our room, Tyler suggested a round of drinks and a table soccer game. Down in the basement, he hooked up his phone to the portable speaker and played some background pop music. He produced two cans of beer from the mini fridge while I observed him. The feeling that I had done something odd and wrong wasn’t leaving me. Even now, as he moved through the basement in his light gray sweatpants, dark green T-shirt, and a zip-up hoodie that matched the sweatpants, I couldn’t shake off this strange feeling. I followed him, observing the way he hopped around, bent to find the beer, and stretched up to place the speaker high on a shelf, a couple of inches of his flesh appearing where his hoodie pulled the T-shirt up.
“You’re very quiet,” Tyler pointed out. Again, he caught me looking, even though I wasn’t doing anything.
I grabbed my beer from the edge of the soccer table where Ty had put it, cracked the can open, and took a long sip. “Lost in my thoughts.”
“Oh, we don’t want that,” Ty said with a grin. “Abort, abort. These aren’t the thinking times.”
I couldn’t stop the chuckle from tearing from me. “I’m stopping, alright? Let’s play.” And so we did. The competitive spirits clashed as we bounced the plastic ball across the table, swinging our plastic players and defending our miniature goalposts against each other. This was the fourth year of us plugging out to the sound of the bouncing ball and rusty springs.
There wasn’t a move Tyler could make that I didn’t see coming from a mile away. His aggressive tactics were predictable at best and plain silly at worst. I knew how his brain worked and what his muscle memory dictated. I knew every move he would make before he even thought of it.
And after laughing, drinking a few rounds of beer, and getting bored of the game, I realized that the same thing extended beyond table soccer. I knew every layer of the silly onion that was my best friend. I knew all his moves.
We crashed on the couch facing the TV that was off, music filling the space in place of the usual chatter of ten guys unwinding around the room.
“Do you believe in soulmates?” I asked, looking at my can of beer. My toes were a little tingly as I tried to count how many I’d had. Three?
Tyler shifted on the sofa to face me fully and cocked his head. “That’s a random question.”
I snorted. “Do you, though?”
Tyler narrowed his eyes in thought. “I’m guessing you’re questioning the whole concept.”
