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We sit in silence, and for one fleeting moment, I wish I still had Jackie… Scratch that. I wish I had someone to talk to who would understand. My heart aches at the loss of my friendship with her, of the loss of my mother and Drew. The pain rips through me, the wound pulsing with life.
I roll my eyes up toward the ceiling so I don't cry and chug back some more wine.
"What do you want, Bel?"
His adoption of my nickname should grate on every nerve ending in my body, but it feels good to have someone call me that. I swallow hard and then look back at him. His green eyes bore into mine.
"I want the pain to go away, for everything to stop hurting so much. For the constant reminder of all I lost to disappear.”
"It won't be this way forever. The pain will fade eventually, and each day will hurt a little less than the day before."
"How do you know?" I snap.
The moment I’ve spoken the words, I regret them. If anyone doesn't deserve my venom, it's him. Sebastian has been kind, patient, and understanding. He’s been far more supportive than I ever expected him to be, and he’s lost someone as well. His situation is almost worse than my own. At least I have memories of time spent with our mother. He has nothing.
He stands and slips his hands into his pockets. I swear I see a flicker of disappointment in his eyes. "I'll send up more wine if you eat all your dinner."
My mouth opens, and I want to tell him I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean to snap at him, but I’m not sure it would matter. He disappears out the door, closing it softly behind him, leaving me with my thoughts.
I know I’m being a bitch, and that I continue to be one even without thinking about it. Unfortunately, it’s a trauma mechanism I’ve developed to protect myself. It’s better if I push him away and keep him at arm's length. At least then, when something happens, when he inevitably leaves, it’ll hurt a little less than if I let him in all the way. Because the thought of losing literally the only family I have left hurts, even if I barely know anything about him.
My phone pings again, but I refuse to look at it, so I take a long swig of the wine. "Fuck off, Drew," I whisper.
I let out a shuddering breath and lean back into the pillows. My food is getting cold, and the wine is nearly gone. I should eat something, and sadly not because Sebastian told me to, but because I want more wine.
With a sigh, I lean over and crawl to the end of the bed on my knees to sit and eat. Chicken and vegetables—a full meal of nutrients and vitamins. Nothing like my scamper for nutrients vs. cost when I had to shop for myself. This is a long way away from peanut butter sandwiches. I pop a couple of pieces of food into my mouth. I’m overwhelmed with the robust spice from the chicken and veggies.
It's delicious too, of course. Sebastian, I guess our family, has to have the best.
I take another bite and consider what Sebastian hasn't told me about our family. Like how they made their millions and what this will all mean for me when the time comes. What does my future look like as a member of this family? From what I've seen, Sebastian has taken it all onto his shoulders, even as he seems to stumble under the weight of it. He doesn’t complain, doesn’t even show a sliver of weakness.
He’s far stronger than I am. Maybe that has to do with how he was raised? There are so many things I have yet to learn about him and who our family is. It saddens me to think how much time has passed, how many memories we missed out on making. The pinging of my phone drags me from my thoughts, and I check it before I can think better of it. I see Drew’s latest unanswered message.
Psycho: You have one week, Flower. One week to get back to me, or I’m hunting you down, ready or not.
I drop the phone down onto the bed and stare straight ahead. Was Sebastian lying when he said he would kill Drew? I’m not sure I want to take that chance. While I’m pissed at Drew and kinda sorta want to stab him, the last thing I want is for him to die. Still, he needs to understand that he’s no longer in control. I am, and I’m done answering to him.
3
DREW
Iwas trying to be a gentleman when I gave her a week, but my ability to hold myself back after two days has frayed. I'm itching to touch her porcelain skin. Hell, at this point, I’d take even a glimpse of her. Call me selfish, I don’t give a fuck. All I wanted to do was protect her, and like all the good things in my life, it backfired and exploded in my face. I’ve done everything I possibly can to try to fix this, but with every day that passes, the space between us grows, and I need her. I need her so badly it fucking hurts to breathe. It’s wrong, but I’d do anything to touch her, hold her in my arms, even if it would result in her pushing me away. I’m just that fuckin’ selfish.
I won't apologize for being me or for trying to do the right thing. Not when she has no idea, not even from their brief encounter, what my father is capable of. I can’t lie to myself anymore. My life is in shambles, and like a sinking ship, everyone is jumping overboard. I’m the captain, though. I’m supposed to sink with the fucking ship.
Sebastian isn’t speaking to me. Lee is keeping his distance so he doesn't feel like he's taking anyone's side, and I don't even think Aries has a fucking clue what is happening. I will say he definitely feels the tension and notices Seb's absence. Per usual, he likes to act as the fixer and keeps trying to get us into the same room to hash it out, but that’s been a complete failure so far.
I scrub my hands over my face, letting out a groan of frustration, then I stand and grab a T-shirt from the dresser. Today is the day. There won’t be any more hiding, Flower. I'm going to find you and pluck all your beautiful petals so you can never escape me… Whatever patience I had is gone now, and since my father has been out of town for a couple of days, this might be my only opportunity to capture her.
It will be a challenge since she's not back at school yet, but I’m confident I can lure her out of Seb's lockdown at home. Fuck me. I just need to see her. It's fucked, completely fucked, especially after my father's revelation, but I don't care. I need to see her to ensure she's okay. At least that's what I tell myself. Things haven't changed for me, despite all that has happened. Right now, all that matters to me is seeing her and telling her the truth. I have to make her believe me, to make her understand there was no other choice.
I finish dressing and press down on the edge of the bed, shoving my feet into my black boots. I lace them up tight, then grab my jacket and yank up the hood. I’ve been doing everything I can to keep a lower profile across campus. If I walk to the other side of campus to catch a ride app, then it's less likely someone will report back to dear ole dad, and after the party, I’ve learned that I can’t trust anyone. So fuck people.
My phone vibrates in my pocket as I jog down the stairs, thankful no one is up yet. Before heading out the door, I grab a granola bar and premade protein shake from the fridge. I walk quickly down the long gravel driveway to the main campus. Halfway through my walk, I open my phone and check the messages, hoping against hope that Bel’s finally answered me with something other than “fuck off.”
I find no such thing. The campus is still pretty quiet, and as I walk, my gaze snags on the library building, but I quickly look away, the memories bubbling up even though I try to block them out. Those bookshelves, the scent of Bel’s fear turning me on…
Fuck. I’m fucked up. I don't think I can fix this, not when my own biology is fighting against me here. It's so messed up but I still want her. I still get unbelievably hard when I think about pressing her into those books. I can still feel her pussy clenching around me, tightening, swallowing every drop of cum, proving how much she needs me.
