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He interrupted. “You have nothing to apologize for, except for maybe not telling me when you wanted more. Because so did I.”
When I turned, our faces were inches from one another. “You did? But you said you didn’t know how to do this.”
He winced. “I’m sorry. I’m still trying to figure it out, but that’s all in my head. The one thing I do know is I want to do it with you. I didn’t mean to make it seem like you were too complicated. Hell, I’m complicated, too. But the way you make me feel when we’re together—How easy it is to be with you—I don’t want to lose this thing between us. And I’m especially sorry for making you feel as though you couldn’t talk to Dr. Mac. I never should’ve suggested you don’t mention me by name. It was misplaced guilt that I hadn’t seen him in quite a while.”
His apology meant a lot, and his reasoning made me understand his motivation better. “Apology accepted and returned for not communicating my feelings.” Swallowing hard, I leaned forward and met his lips. The kiss was soft at first and then turned deeper before he pulled away and put his forehead to mine.
“Where’s Tristan?”
“With my mom and stepdad down the hall. I needed some time to, uh—”
He leaned back, studying my face. “Cry.”
I nodded slowly. “It’s so stupid. The man I once loved has been gone for years, but today was just—it was still hard.”
His hand caressed my face in an intimate gesture. “Sounds like your whole week was rough. I spoke with Brian. He told me about Rob’s mother’s threats and how awful they’ve been toward you.”
“They blame me.”
His jaw clenched. “I don’t see how on earth they could, but I hope you don’t blame yourself. You didn’t have anything to do with his choices.”
I smiled sadly. “After a good cry, I’ve come to the same conclusion. I’ll reach out to his parents one last time tomorrow morning to see if they want to see Tristan. But if I’m being honest, I hope the answer is no. I’m well aware that makes me selfish, but I can’t help it.”
“There’s absolutely nothing selfish about you. But maybe I’m a bit self-centered because I want to know when you’re coming back up to New Haven.”
“Um. Probably in a couple of days. I need to meet with my attorney to deal with the life insurance stuff and figure out how I can get my house on the market. Unless, of course, I can simply take a match to it. Because at this point I wouldn’t mind watching it all go up in flames.”
He smirked. “That’s arson.”
I smiled for the first time all day. “You’re so lawyerly and proper.”
He kissed me on the nose. “Not always so proper.”
No, he wasn’t. And I loved it. “I need to find out when I can move home.”
He let out a heavy exhale. “We went into this knowing our time was limited, but I don’t like to think of it that way.”
“Me, either.”
He kissed me again, this time moving his mouth down my neck and behind my ear. “What if I’m not ready to let you go? What if I want more?”
My wide eyes pulled back to meet his. “More?”
“A lot more. No more boundaries. No more dark. With lots of strings.”
My heart was beating quickly, my mouth dry over his words.
“When you’re ready.”
“I want to be ready. I really do.”
He kissed me softly. “Tell me your worst fear in letting me see all of you?”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat and admitted it out loud. “That I’ll turn you off, and that’ll be it. It seemed like overnight it happened with my ex. I know you’re not him. Believe me, I do. But I’m not sure what I’d do if I was no longer sexy to you in the light of day. I think it would break whatever fragile self-esteem I have left.”
He cupped my face. “Do you trust me?”
I nodded, needing his reassurance more than I’d ever admit to. Once his lips met mine, I sank into him.
