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“Where are you?”
“Did you get my note?”
“Yes, but I don’t understand. On a whim, you decided to pack up and move? I thought we were tabling this until today to talk some more.”
“We’re talking now.” My voice was flat, resigned.
“I wanted face to face. And I was supposed to drive down with you. Why did you leave?”
I closed my eyes, finding my strength. “Because I knew you still wouldn’t be able to tell me you loved me today and I couldn’t bear to be there when that happened.”
“Jules, since I’ve met you, this void has been filled. I don’t want to be without you. I care so much.”
But he didn’t love me.
My tears ran down my face as I said the toughest words I’d ever uttered. “I deserve to be more than a filler of a void for you.”
After a long pause, during which all I could hear was his breathing, he finally said, “Yes. You do.” His voice was thick with emotion. “I’m sorry, Jules.”
“I know.” I couldn’t even be angry with him. It wasn’t as though he was doing this to hurt me on purpose. The situation was so unbelievably sad.
“Where are you?”
“Outside of DC. We’ll leave in the morning and get home tomorrow afternoon.”
“Are you in a good hotel. It’s safe?”
Leave it to him to worry about such things. “Yes. It’s a Courtyard. I lugged in all of our stuff, and Tristan is watching cartoons.”
“I wish I could be there helping you.”
What I wouldn’t give for a partner in it all. Someone with whom I could be a team. Something I’d had a glimpse of with Mark before it had disappeared.
“I’m fine. We’re fine.”
“What happens if you’re pregnant?”
Shamefully, a part of me hoped I was. Wished it would be fate’s way of forever tying me to this beautiful man who’d showed me what it was to love and trust again. But on the other hand, I knew it would be better if I wasn’t. “If I am, I’ll let you know right away.”
“Then what?”
“I think we need to cross that bridge when/if we come to it.”
“So this is really it?”
“I think it has to be.”
Again with the long pause. “What about Tristan? I want to be in his life.”
“I won’t keep you from seeing him if you want to visit. He needs good, strong men to look up to who care about him.”
“You mean that?”
My voice softened. “Of course.”
“Will you call me and let me know you made it in tomorrow?”
“Sure. I will.” Although it would most likely be a text.
