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These behaviors were acceptable here, but my brain had not caught up. It screamed at me that these hybrids were not safe, not with the general right there, watching them break every rule that had been drilled into me since I was five.
My mind and body disagreed, fully at war in those first few moments as I observed hybrid graduates intermingling. Didn’t they remember the price of making eye contact with the opposite sex? Laughter was never encouraged or allowed in public spaces. All joy had to be private after the vault was sealed shut for the night.
The death grip I had on Cyderial’s arm was not for my benefit. Some terrified part of me was trying to keep him away from them.
I had seen so many punished over the years, so many taken away, never to return.
I could see their faces flashing through my mind, faces I would never forget.
Under this male’s rule, instructors, watchers, and even his own hand had hurt my friends. Overcome with rancor-laced terror, I tripped over my tongue, “I-I never asked. Was that boy you took the lock of Sylvia’s hair from her mate?”
“Yes, thought it was an unfortunate waste of a good female on a boy too young to properly care for her,” Cyderial responded, immediate and gentle. “He wasn’t able to knot her after the opening. Sylvia’s reproductive system was not fully activated. We are unsure if she will be able to bear children.”
A wave of sadness came with such knowledge. Sylvia had been a sweet sister who, like me, loved children. And her misfortune would have been preventable if she had known what would take place when an infatuated boy wanted to penetrate her. But ultimately, it was Sylvia’s decision. “She did like him enough to give him her hair. She chose him.”
“And she will have to live with the consequences of being mated to a low-ranked soldier who lacked wisdom and the experience necessary to provide for his female’s needs.” He moved into my line of sight, urging me to meet his all-pervading gaze. “Would it not have been better if she had the opportunity to meet someone with the means to provide everything she might desire and the physical ability to give her body what it needs?”
Why did he get to decide what was best for others?
There was no question of my feelings on the matter. “Keeping the genders segregated isn’t foolproof. It would have been better if you hadn’t kept her ignorant. Cyderial, even I snuck out to kiss boys… specifically to rebel against your iron grip when it was too tight.”
“And your mate is old enough and wise enough to understand that to exercise an iron grip now would be a foolish approach and only lead to further trouble… considering the spirit of my mate.” Eyes dancing with playful mirth, he said with all calmness, “Hence why we are here, even though you may not be mentally ready to mingle with your kind so soon.”
Both hearts beating so hard I was certain Cyderial could hear them, I took a shaky breath, unblinking as I waited for something awful to happen.
It never did.
“Your nervous system will adapt.” The general, the reason for my broken response, tried to soothe me. “This is a normal reaction for someone fresh out of the academy.”
Because I had been traumatized there. We all were.
Crushing down the anxiety, I shook off distracting fears and measured the crowd once again. “I will manage it. There isn’t much time before several of my sisters graduate. General Thayer will hurt Maeve if I can’t help her understand. She will not forgive him as quickly as I am tolerating you; I swear it. Her goals are bigger than any pleasure he might try to distract her with. What she could do for hybrids would be ruined if she’s wasted being mated, especially to a male only interested in knots while pretending anything he does is for her benefit.”
That got his attention. “What are her goals?”
Slicing a mean look his way, I curled my lip. “None of your business.”
Cocking a brow, he asked, “Do you really think my actions toward you are not for you benefit?”
Teeth clenched, I answered, “I’m not talking about me. I’m different. I’m talking about Maeve. My goals were self-serving; hers are much grander.”
“I don’t think you’re being fair to yourself. You’re an explorer with an inquisitive mind. It is one of the reasons I feel you have taken so splendidly to sex. Few young mates would ride their male, even were her mate to intoxicate her beyond reason.” Smoothing my hair and tucking a stray strand behind me ear, he added, “They lie there and submit; you demand and take. And it isn’t just when we fuck that you are so curious. You are here, willing to approach males far beyond your rank and experience, simply to benefit your sisters. It is an unusual trait, especially in one so young.”
We had only mated a few times. Maybe I had been a little aggressive in receiving, but I didn’t know that was unusual! I had ridden him, and sung soft rhythms for him, and luxuriated when I allowed myself to let go.
I was a freak.
Face flaming, a sorry mental image of a girl just lying there so bland to me that I could hardly manage to squeak, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.”
He took me under his arm, tucking me against his side. “You’re splendid. I want to make sure you understand that, my dear.”
Was my enjoyment of pleasure part of the reason he let me leave his house? Was that a secret the other women needed to know? It was certainly something to consider, but first—the issue of even reaching the unmated females. “You promise to support me when I speak with your friends?”
Nodding, he urged me a step forward. “You have some valid points and deserve to be heard. However, I do not think to accomplish more than planting a seed tonight. It may take years of watering to even sprout. Thayer is your best chance at any sort of immediate progress. Even there, you don’t have much leverage. He could walk into the academy right now and take her if he wanted to. Brute force over strategy has always been his approach, if you understand my meaning.”
The colossal male would break little Maeve in half if he ever got inside her, and I didn’t like him in the slightest.
“He will arrive as soon as word gets out that my mate is in public. That should give you some time to settle into this new environment and prepare,” Cyderial said with a smirk, aware of my trail of thoughts.
