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Clearly of a mind to take me home, Cyderial quickened his pace toward the courtyard’s exit. “Don’t let whatever Miranda said scare you. No one can force you to bear children, my love.”
“Wait.” Slowing my pace so he might give me a moment to think, I blurted out, “What if they’re right?”
Where I was caught in a mental tornado, Cyderial was steady as a mountain. He’d had ten years, after all, to consider much in my history and his intentions. He must have even known about the genetic irregularity. Had he not said something about samples being destroyed?
Suspicion must have been all over my face, his response seeking to assure me. “I will handle Miranda and the others. No one will mention this to you again.”
Pulling at his sleeve, I refused to budge another step. When he ceded to my will, I took his hand in both of mine and contemplated the weight of it, the things it could do, the people it had ended. Those hands had been used on my body and might someday hold my child.
Every last child inside me had been fathered by this man. And now those children had to be considered—far sooner than I would have preferred.
Meeting his waiting gaze, I said, “Please show me. Which of them want my daughters?”
“Our daughters,” he quickly corrected, unruffled as he pulled and warmed me against his frame. “All are worthy men, but that is beside the point. You are not ready.”
With a focused, unblinking stare, I took in the faces of every male in attendance, marking those who met my eye. “I wasn’t ready to be mated either, but here I am. Show me who they are.”
Begrudgingly, he pointed at three males, all of whom faced me fully so I might see them from head to toe. They were named, their rank listed, age offered last. Many were older than Cyderial.
General Aegir, the eldest. His hair was an unlikely shade of sliver, but his features maintained the ageless beauty of our kind. Tall and slender, he gave me the impression speed was his skill and that he would be very deadly with a sword.
General Boreal. Broad-shouldered and built thick. Dark skin, dark hair, tight curls, and a face that looked as if it had never smiled.
General Murdoch, younger than the rest, wore his hair long and unbound. Chestnut-brown and wavy, it caught the light. But that was not his defining feature. His mouth set in a permanent smirk, I had the impression he might’ve been the most dangerous of the three.
“And the boy who chased me, begging for my name?” That one in all his terrifying enthusiasm might want my child too.
“Died outside the gates of the academy.”
Good. I would have killed him myself if he had charged at my child in such madness. “What about the man from the bar who helped me?”
“He has already contacted me, asking to be considered. I have not responded, but I admire his restraint in helping you escape.”
Unsure what drove me to do it, I closed the distance between our bodies. Fitting under his arm and flush to his side while I measured my child’s potential suitors. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“What would it have changed? You have a lot to process right now. Children will happen in their due time.” He made his choices appear so sensible, his voice easy, and he snuggled me closer. “Every daughter we have will be mated regardless. That is the nature of our kind. These men will be excellent mates. Our sons may have a difficult time finding their own companions though.”
An angle I had not yet considered. “This isn’t shocking to you. Not after you’ve had ten years keeping my song a secret from those same men. Of course my daughters might be of value. Of course you would want their mates to take exceptional care of them. That is why you are supporting me.”
Grim, he measured my expression. “You are oversimplifying a complicated topic. Our unborn daughters are not my current concern. My focus is entirely on you.”
“I have come out into a world that isn’t at all what I thought it would be. Everything is so complicated, and a great deal of it is dangerous. I love children.” And I did—I always had. “And I want to help them. But this…?”
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, breathing in the scent of my hair. “You can help them by being a good teacher.”
That kind of help would be nothing but a bandage on a festering wound. “The changes I want made within the academy… you will not concede to them. You will have your reasons, and maybe they might even be sound. But even if you gave me what I want, it will not change the cycle of our creation, training, or nature. If you were me, if you could enact real change in a way that would not cause violence, you would do it.”
His darker side had come out to play, the one that had ripped my handmade dress so he might get to the soft flesh underneath. Except now, it was my morals he tore through, tucking me tight to him, no matter who watched. “There is no guarantee those males will not try to kill one another to see who will have the first-born daughter. I was prepared to kill any of my old friends for you.”
It was so strange to think one of those men staring right at us might have had me, that even now they might covet and resent. Each of them was beautiful to look at, but were they kind? Would they have put me before a reflection and showed me what the pain of opening produced. Would they have read the journals and practiced sexual arts to make sure each knotting was thrilling?
What evils had they done to bloody their hands? I was not ignorant enough to think that each did not carry their own ugliness. They would have to, and two of them were very, very old. I could only image the things they had done.
There was something very comforting about being wrapped in his strength. I didn’t resist it but leaned into him, my ear to his chest as I said, “It is demoralizing that this is the price it would cost to urge males to treat us with dignity. Ironic that they would only do it to satisfy their own urges, not because their unborn mates deserve better.”
My openness to accepting his comfort earned me a beautiful, rumbling purr. “Better is debatable, my love. What you think is best are freedoms I would love to provide you with but, in the world as it is, are ultimately dangerous. Someday, I will be able to give you everything you want, if you would just be patient with me.”
The truth was, bonded, I had no one else in the world to rely on. That knowledge in the female mind, the tiny seed that made even the most incompatible mates somewhat tolerable.
