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She polished off the mugs and tapped her fingers along the counter. It had been a couple of weeks since she’d gone to the post office to check her PO Box, and she probably needed to do that. It could be her birthday excitement for now, a way for her to try and avoid the fact that it was also the three-month anniversary of River’s death.
After rinsing the mugs and placing them in the dishwasher, since her sister said keeping anything in the sink was a no-no, Sadie grabbed her purse to go to the post office. She hadn’t bothered to change out of her pajamas … or properly brush her hair. By the time her sister came home from work, she would make sure to do those things for her—it was the least she could do after Charlie had done so much.
Sadie hopped into her truck and pushed in a cassette, letting an old sixties song play. She cranked the music up as she drove the short distance to the post office. Sprinkles dotted the windshield, and her phone dinged as soon as she pulled into a parking spot.
She fished out her phone from her purse while walking to the door. Three missed texts. One from Skyler wishing her a happy birthday, the others from her mom and Coral. Her stomach sank at seeing them because she’d barely talked to anyone. That had been the norm with her parents, but Coral had invited Sadie to stay with her and Gabe, yet she just couldn’t do that—the memories would’ve been overbearing. As for Skyler, she’d been an awful friend, mostly one-word replies from her end, but that hadn’t stopped him from checking in on her.
Texting them all back a quick thank you, she walked inside the post office where only a couple of people stood in line to mail off packages. She passed rows of PO Boxes until she reached hers. A large stack of mail rested inside, and she took out the envelopes and catalogs.
Once she returned to her truck, Sadie flipped through the stack. Trash, trash, trash... Her fingers halted on a bright purple envelope, her eyes widening at the familiar sloppy handwriting, her throat growing dry. Everything about the day of River’s death came crashing back—finding the letter he’d written for her, then discovering his… She shook away the painful image. But now an envelope was addressed to her, months later, in his same handwriting. How? Her hands trembled as her breaths came out ragged. It couldn’t be his handwriting. She knew it couldn’t be. Because her husband was dead. Yet that glimmer of hope burned within her, wondering if it had all been a nightmare and maybe, just maybe, she hadn’t really found him gone.
Drawing in a deep breath, she peered down at the envelope again. No return address, only her name and PO Box written across the front.
Sadie slowly peeled open the envelope and pulled out a folded sheet of cream paper, the same color as his last letter.
Sadie,
I scheduled to have this mailed near your birthday, even though I’ve been aching to tell you about it for months. Every time you complained about the cabin in the woods being purchased, I almost confessed it all. You know how terrible I am at keeping secrets from you. Figured we both might get better artistic inspiration living there together. We always did want to live in a place that was supposedly haunted, am I right? Your next step is to go to my parents’ house to collect the keys from my mother, then you’ll receive the following step there. Here’s looking to the future, and Happy Birthday, my sweet nightmare.
Love you even after our bodies become dust,
River
Sadie’s body trembled as she shoved the letter into the glove compartment, wanting to get it away from her. It was the way he always signed off on his notes or letters to her, but now his body was really ash.
No, she wasn’t going to accept the cabin. She wasn’t going to live there. She couldn’t take more steps backward. Drinking two hot chocolates every morning was one thing, wishing for her nightmares of River to be real was another, but this, this… No. She needed to force herself to tell her husband goodbye, let the dream she’d always had of them living together in that cabin go, because he was gone and never coming back.
Chapter Four
“Once a heart ceases beating, it isn’t necessarily the end.”
Sadie stood on Coral’s front porch, rubbing her clammy palms against her jeans. Once she left the post office, she’d driven home to build up her nerve to come here since she wasn’t the only one who’d lost River. Someone had to have mailed the envelope, and she assumed it was Coral. It wouldn’t have seemed right for her to ask Coral in a text message, so she’d gotten cleaned up, brushed her hair.
Hands shaking, Sadie pressed her finger to the doorbell, the sound like solemn church bells, loud in her ears as it rang throughout the house. She hadn’t been here since after the funeral, even though River’s parents had invited her to dinner on several occasions. River hadn’t wanted to be buried, to rot alone beneath the ground, rest as a skeleton inside a coffin for all eternity, so his wish had been to be cremated, then have his ashes spread. Which she had yet to do the final task…
Valentina swung the door wide, a white apron tied at her waist, and her smile was sad as her warm brown eyes met Sadie’s. “It’s good to see you,” she said in her Spanish accent.
“You too. Is Coral home?” Sadie whispered, her heart thundering beneath her rib cage. A part of her didn’t want to go inside to face not only reminders of the funeral, but all the wonderful memories of the time she’d shared in this home, memories that would surely rip Sadie’s chest open again.
Valentina motioned her into the house, and Sadie took a breath, stepping past her onto the marble floor. The maid led Sadie through the living room and up the curving staircase. While walking down the hallway filled with framed photographs, a hint of a smile crossed her lips as she looked at them. Some were of River when he was younger—riding a bike, at the beach, dressed as Yorick from Hamlet and holding a skull he’d sculpted. Others were of him and his parents, or only of Coral and Gabe posing with one another.
Valentina brought Sadie to the sitting room, the doors wide open, where Coral was seated on the leather couch, drawing on a notepad. A desk rested in the corner, stacked with at least twenty sketchbooks, and two high-backed chairs sat across from the leather couch over an ornate red and gold rug. The French doors, cloaked with see-through white curtains, led to a luxurious balcony that looked out to the sparkling blue pool.
“Sadie is here as expected,” Valentina said.
“Thank you.” Coral smiled, setting her drawing tools beside an open pack of cigarettes on the glass table in front of her. The sketchpad lay open to several striped and polka-dotted dresses she’d designed. With the flare of their skirts and tight bodices, it gave them a vintage yet modern style. Coral’s long dark hair was draped over one shoulder, curled at the ends, and she looked relaxed in a silky blouse tucked into tan pants, her feet bare. But her eyes were what gave her melancholic emotion away—they were red-rimmed as if she’d been crying earlier.
Valentina turned to leave, shutting the doors behind her. Relief washed over Sadie that she hadn’t been led to the dining room where she’d been seated next to River when they’d been there together last.
“Hello, dear,” Coral said as Sadie stepped farther into the room. “I took the week off from going into the office since I thought you might be coming, give or take a day or two, but I wasn’t certain. Besides, I needed the break anyway.” New paintings of beautiful gowns hung on the beige walls, replacing the ones that were there before. Coral was always changing out the designs in the room for creative expression.
“You knew about this?” Sadie took out River’s letter from her purse, her fingers shaking.
Coral’s lips tilted up slightly, her eyes turning glassy as she studied the cream paper. “I did. You were to meet him at the cabin after picking up the keys from me. And you know how River always planned things well in advance—such an impatient boy.” She paused, letting out a breath. “He gave me the letter and the extra set of keys about five months ago. I didn’t know if it was right or wrong to hold onto this last gift of his, but I thought if I mailed it to you as my son had planned, then it would be fulfilling his final wish in a sense.”
Tears sprung to Sadie’s eyes, her life with River coming back like wildfire consuming everything, licking its way through her mind. Their first kiss at the novelty store in a dark corner, their first date at an awful café with overcooked food, their first time making love in his car in the woods, skin to skin, clumsy yet perfect, the small Halloween-inspired wedding in her parents’ backyard, the way he would paint beside her as she wrote. Stop. She tucked the lovely images away for now, but it wasn’t soon enough. More tears fell, turning into a waterfall.
“Thank you,” Sadie murmured, sinking down beside Coral and inhaling a hint of vanilla and nicotine.
