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Maybe it’s the stress?
Maybe. But then again, maybe it’s not. It’s not like we were always super careful.
“What if I’m pregnant?” I keep my voice low to a whisper. If I am, I will never be able to leave. He may overlook things if I managed to get away from him alone… but to get away with his child? He’d hunt me to the ends of the earth.
My throat feels clogged, and I swallow hard. “I don’t know what to do…” I lean sideways a little and rest my head on her shoulder, taking some comfort from her closeness. Even though she’s seldom responsive, it feels good to have an older woman to talk to. Like I’m sharing my secrets with the mother I never had.
“You two look very comfortable.”
The deep, familiar voice coming from the doorway has me shooting upright.
Fuck!
Did he hear me?
“Oh! Hi,” I say too quickly as Kirill walks up beside us. “You gave me a fright.”
He’s silent for a moment. He looks over at Irina, and then lets his eyes wander over my face. First, it’s like he’s scrutinising me, then a gentleness takes hold. It unsettles me. He strokes my cheek with the back of his knuckles. “You look tired.”
I blink in surprise. There’s that oddly caring side of him again, the one I can’t place. It seems so out of character.
“Well, I guess that’s because somebody doesn’t let me get any sleep,” I counter, giving him a wry smile. I’m still praying he never heard me offloading to poor Irina. Telling her that I think I’m pregnant. Should I tell him?
Hell no!
He’ll never let you go!
“It is more than that.” Kirill grasps my jaw lightly and tilts my head back, searching my eyes. “You are unhappy.”
“What?” I’m startled by his blunt statement. “Why would you say that?”
“Your eyes are haunted, Ptichka.” His thumb strokes my jawline. “Why are you sad?”
“Why do you care?” I know I sound surly, but he can’t seriously be asking that.
“You will be my wife soon. That will make you important in my world. It will be my duty to look after you, as a good husband should.”
For a short moment, the words get caught in my throat. How can he say that like it’s the most normal thing ever? He bought me, for fuck’s sake! How can he expect me to simply concede to his outrageous will? I mean, what world does he live in? It is beyond what I could ever understand.
“You’re kidding, right?” I fire back. “You bought me, forced me to stay with you, and now you’re forcing me to marry you and… and have your child? And you expect me to be happy?”
Kirill tilts his head slightly, his eyes locked with mine. “Has it been so difficult, Tiana? You have not enjoyed yourself?”
“I… Um…” Shit. Sure I did, but he should know it’s not that simple. Where do I even begin to explain this to him? But the most screwed up thing is that at the end of the day, even I can’t deny that I’ve loved what he’s done to me. I never thought I would, but I did. And he’s treated me well. More than well. I wish it had been all bad, but it hasn’t. I wish that he hasn’t been treating me with courtesy and concern… and gentleness. Aside from the rough sex and the spankings. And God, I’ve loved those.
“Tiana?” His thumb is still stroking my jaw, and even that innocent touch has my nipples tightening.
“Yeah. I’ve enjoyed myself,” is all I can croak out.
“Yet still, you are unhappy.” He frowns. As if this actually bothers him.
“I’ll get over it.” It’s hard to try to look nonchalant when he’s standing so close that I can feel the heat of his body, and his hand is cupping my face. “I’ll get a hobby or something.”
“A hobby?” he scoffs. “I am being serious, my little bird. I want you to be happy.”
I lick my lips. “Funny you would call me a bird. Is it because you’re keeping me here in a cage?”
“Have I not taken you places, Tiana? Let you out of this… cage?”
