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“You are an idiot, do you know that, girl? You do not know what is out there?”
“I do know: freedom! From you!” Her chest heaves. “And one day I will get away from you for good!”
“Not fucking happening!” I roar. A wave of rage hits me with such force that I spin around and slam my fist against the door. Wood splinters and flies around us.
“Kirill!” Tiana shrieks and covers her mouth with both hands.
I’m breathing hard, my nostrils flaring as I suck in air. There’s a streak of blood on the hard wooden door where I hit it, and I can feel it trickling over my cracked knuckles. It doesn’t hurt nearly as much as the thought of losing her.
She’s cringing away from me now, and it fucking kills me.
“Ptichka.” I raise a hand and she flinches and that kills me a little more.
“Don’t hurt me.” Her voice has lost its fire.
I scrub a hand over my face. “Ty svodish’ menya s uma.”
“I don’t…” She licks her lips, still holding herself away from me. “I don’t understand what that means.”
“You make me fucking crazy.” I drop my hand from my face, trying to calm myself the fuck down. “Do you really believe that I could ever hurt you?”
Those beautiful deep eyes are still fixed on my face. And then she sags, her features crumpling. “I don’t know!” she says, covering her face with her hands as tears spill down her cheeks.
And fuck me if it doesn’t break my goddamned heart.
Moving into her space and not letting her pull away, I take her hands in my own and brush my lips over her fingers. “Never. I would never do that to you, Ptichka. You are too… precious.” I stop there. It’s as close to a declaration of affection as I’ve ever come. I’m on shaky ground. Unknown territory. But I need her to know that she’s safe here. Safe with me.
“How am I supposed to believe that?” She is shaking her head but no longer trying to get away from me. Good. I’ve had enough of her withdrawing from me for one day.
“Because I would never lie to you.” Our eyes connect. “Ever.” I lower my lips and place a kiss on her knuckles and then press her cold fingers to my cheek.
“Kirill, I…” she chokes the words out. “I’m sorry I ran. I didn’t know what else to do after...” Her words trail off into a sob.
“After what?” I demand, but this time, my voice is quieter, gentler. She tilts her head back and looks at me with tear-stained eyes that pierce me to my core.
“After seeing what you did to that man,” she whispers brokenly. “I thought... that you were a monster.”
“And you thought right.” The words come hard but I can’t deny them. It is the truth. “I am a monster. To men like the one you saw - evil men - To them, I will always be a monster. But never to you. Whatever I may be, I will never harm you. Do you understand this, Ptichka?”
It takes a long time for her to answer. Seconds drag by in silence with her eyes locked on mine. I know she’s surveying me, and I allow it. I know she’s looking for lies behind my words and I let her. She will not find any. When she finally answers, it warms my heart.
“I do.” Her lips curl. “I believe you. I know I’m safe here… with you.”
“That is why you can never leave without me knowing. Not because I own you. But because the world out there is not safe. There are people who would harm you. Because of me.”
Blyad.
I fucking hate to admit this, but it’s the truth. Knowing that I’m the reason she’ll never have a normal life. I dragged her into this against her will and now, there is no getting away for her.
“I will make sure that you are happy here.”
She presses her lips together and nods, her eyes misting, as if she’s gone into some deep part of herself.
I tip her chin up with my forefinger. “I will take care of you. In every way. I promise you this, Tiana.”
Whatever war she seemed to be waging within seems to have died down now.
“I know you will, Kirill. I believe you.”
