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I waved at the two men as they headed out into the night. Feeling better, though still like I was some special snowflake, I shut and locked the door behind me, and then went to change into a nightgown and robe. I stretched out on the sofa to wait for Grams.
* * *
Grams joined me after her bath. She was wearing a velvet bathrobe over what looked like velour pajamas and a pair of fuzzy slippers. She settled into the rocking chair, leaning back as Silver jumped on her lap and curled up.
Fancypants was sitting on the back of the sofa, his eyes closed. He was dozing, and like the kittens, he was listing to one side. I reached up to catch him when he toppled over.
“What? Huh?” He shook his head, bobbing it around like it was on the end of a short snake. “What’s going on?”
“You fell asleep sitting up again, little dude.” I tilted my head and he scrambled up on my shoulder. “Grams, I have to be honest, it’s been one hell of a week. I don’t know what to do.”
Grams stroked Silver’s back as he curled in her lap, purring, his eyes shut tight. “I’ll help you rebuild the wards tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” I wasn’t sure how to say what I was about to say. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I opened the shop because it seemed like a smart thing to do. My inheritance was so helpful—I won’t pretend it wasn’t, but I didn’t receive enough to tend to flowers and walk in the woods for the rest of my life, which is what I’d like to do.” I shrugged, feeling a little foolish. “Is it selfish to say that I just want to chuck it and go play in the dirt?”
“You’re an earth-witch. Of course that’s your go-to. But I think there’s more to it than that, isn’t there? Be honest with me.” Grams stared at me. “When I was here in August, I could tell you weren’t ready to think about this. But now, I think you realize you’ve been using your shop as a distraction.”
“What do you mean?” But I knew what she was talking about. “Yeah, you’re right. Everything was planned out last year. I had an entire future in sight, and it was all stripped away. I’ve had to let so many possibilities go, because they all included Rian.”
“Yes, and now you have to create a new future. I think you can still have the shop, if you want it, but you have to figure out if that’s really what you want, deep in your heart. Don’t settle just to feel like you have a direction.” She paused, then added, “And don’t let anyone—me included—force you into a decision you aren’t comfortable making.”
“You’re talking about Bran, aren’t you?” I licked my lips, wondering how to tell her what had occurred to me. “Grams, what would you say if I told you that I think I’m falling in love with two men? That I don’t want to make a choice?”
She stared at me. “You’re talking about polyamory?”
I nodded. “Well, I don’t know if it’s that, exactly. But tonight, I realized that Faron and Bran both fit different parts of my life. I don’t know if I can tie myself down to one person.” I searched my heart, and then said, “I’m going to tell you something that I’ve barely been able to admit to myself. I’ve found myself thinking about this a lot over the past few weeks.”
“What is it, child?” Grams’s voice was neutral, and I couldn’t read her face.
I gently laid Fancypants to the side, resting the sleeping dragon on a pillow. “Grams, I think if I’d married Rian, it wouldn’t have lasted. I loved him. I loved him so much. But now, when I look back, I don’t see us lasting a lifetime together.” I felt ashamed to admit it. “His death changed me—it tore me to pieces. But it also forced me to face myself, honestly. It took me a year, but now that I’ve been on my own for awhile, I’m learning things about myself that I’d never have guessed or expected.”
Grams leaned back in the rocking chair. “We live in a different world than when I was young. Life evolves, sometimes for the worse, sometimes the better. Marriage today is far from what it was a few hundred years ago. Mostly, it was economic and political, at least among the wealthier families. Our own clan boasts many matches like that. Your great-grandfather and I were an arranged marriage. Luckily, we grew to love each other. But it could easily have gone wrong.”
I hadn’t known that her marriage to great-grandpa had been arranged. “Why were you matched?”
“My magic was strong, and the Clan McPherson wanted to make certain that the strength of our magic flowed down through the line. That’s why we marry within the clan, or we bring in spouses who match the energy of the clan.”
“I know we’re supposed to be demon hunters?—”
“Truly, yes. Your destiny has barely begun to show itself. I believe you’re on the threshold of becoming who you are meant to be. You wouldn’t have come to this point if you were with Rian. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. And I think you know that in your core.” Grams gently placed Silver on the rocking chair as she stood and moved over to sit beside me.
I leaned against her. “Are you disappointed in me?”
“Disappointed? Why would I be disappointed in you? But you need to talk to Bran and Faron about your feelings. I know you can’t talk to Faron now but?—”
“I talked to Bran tonight about it. That’s when I realized that I can’t choose between them, and I don’t want to. If they aren’t comfortable with the thought, I won’t be offended. But I’ve decided that I’m not ready to choose either one. I’m not sure I’m meant to settle down.”
“What did Bran say?” Grams asked. “If it’s any of my business.”
“I think he’s amenable to the idea.” I shrugged. “Grams, I’m not cut out to lead a normal life. I don’t know if I can, after what happened with the Butcher.” I finally said the words that I had been thinking in my heart, but afraid to verbalize. “That night changed me, and it changed the way I view the world. I spent months in absolute fear—fear of everything. Then, I moved here and started over, but I’m quickly realizing that I just can’t think of the future the way so many people do.”
Grams was quiet for a moment, then she cleared her throat. “Do you know much about your paternal heritage? Your mother should have told you this, but I think she just chose to ignore it.”
“You mentioned I have a destiny—that I’m bred as a demon hunter. Or at least, the clan is. I know that much.”
“Yes, that’s true. I had hoped that your mother would teach you more about it. After all, her lineage has its roots within the same clan, so you’re doubly bound to the MacPhersons. Over the years, there have been women born to our family, to the clan, who are gifted with powers that come on as they age. And usually, beginning in their thirties, they find themselves on a different path than normal. There are demons all through this world, and somebody has to take care of them. Not all our clan members can wear the mantle, and not only our clan members do—around the world, other great families are born with similar gifts and destinies.”
I listened to her, realizing that she was as good as handing me my destiny on a silver platter. “Do you think the Butcher’s a demon?”
