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I set the frame on the counter and saw there was a letter beneath it in the box. As I unfolded it, my eyes teared up as my vision fogged. The letter read:
Dear Elphyra: I’m sending you this before the wake because I know I’ll be a mess during it. First, thank you for agreeing to be the bell ringer. Owen would have liked that. I found this last night, in his room. He loved you, although he teased you a lot when you were both children. I wish he could have been as resilient as you are. I wish he could have faced life with the grit that you do. Unfortunately, your cousin wasn’t strong enough to manage his way through the upsets, and the crutches he used to get through the pain worked against him. But he always spoke well of you, and he admired you. I just wish…well…I wish for a lot of things, but if wishes were pennies, we’d be rich, right?
I’ll see you on Saturday, and please—be gentle on your mother. She doesn’t mean to be the way she is. Ever since she and I were little girls, she always needed more attention than I did. I never minded it much, because I was like you—strong. And she was like Owen—life was harsh on her. Luckily, she had me around to help her. And she had you. Anyway, I’ll see you Saturday. Love, Aunt Ciara.
I motioned for Fancypants to join me. “This was my cousin Owen,” I said, holding the frame like I might hold a fragile crystal. “I wish you could have met him.”
“I wish I could have, too,” Fancypants said.
As I gathered the frame and box and we headed back to the house, I realized that I’d never thought of my mother the way that my aunt described her. For a moment, it made me understand her—just a little—and I hoped that it might lead to a better relationship, if I could get a handle on my impatience.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The relief on Grams’s face when I showed her the picture was palpable.
“Why didn’t she put a return address on it, silly woman?”
“She’s grieving, Grams. Cut her some slack.” I set the photo on the shelf I kept all my family pictures on. There was one of my mother, and one of her and my father when she was pregnant with me. One of Grams and me together, and one of Bree.
“Aunt Ciara told me that Owen reminded her of my mother. Always needed validation through others. I just wish he would have come to me before…” I hesitated, not wanting to use the word. But I couldn’t tiptoe around the truth. “Before he committed suicide. I would have done my best to help. I don’t know if I could have changed matters, but I wish I had the chance.”
“Oh, you’re a sweet one, Elphyra,” Grams said, sounding melancholy. “But when people are ready to take that step, they’re usually not thinking about ways to overcome the pain they’re in, other than to remove themselves from the struggle. He wasn’t thinking clearly by then.”
I flopped down on the sofa, and the cats came bounding in. They bounced on me,66 Gem nuzzling my neck and Silver curling up on my chest. “I suppose so. I think I’d understand better if he was in physical pain—like an incurable disease, or chronic pain that doesn’t stop.”
“But he was in pain, my dear. It just wasn’t visible. Mental health issues, depression, it’s all real and not just ‘in the mind’ usually. There are physical aspects that play into it. Saying, “Just smile, just try harder, you’ll feel better” is like putting a bandage on a bleeding artery. It won’t stop the flow of blood. You might as well scold the severed vein and order it to close. That’s not going to happen.”
“I guess you’re right. I had no idea how deep of a hole he was in. Ciara said he just didn’t have the strength to pull himself out and that she couldn’t convince him to commit to counseling.” I kissed my fingers and pressed them lightly against the glass, over Owen’s face. “I still wish I could have done something.”
“The best you can do now for him is to pay him respect, and perhaps to contribute to a suicide prevention campaign, to help someone else from following in his footsteps.” Grams snaked her arm around my waist and hugged me sideways.
We stood there for a moment, then I headed for the kitchen. My phone rang as I was making myself a latte. It was Bran.
“Hey, dude, how goes it?” I stared at the rain cascading down outside. “You soaked through, yet?”
“Yeah, I am. So’s my mother. We’ve done what we can for now. Thanks to a few friends, we were able to salvage a few things—a saddle for the horse, some tools that managed to escape the flames. But most of it’s gone, up in smoke and ashes.” He sounded distraught. “How would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight? I need a change of pace. Mom is going to call Grams and ask if they can get together—she’ll come over to your place, if you want. We both need distractions.”
I didn’t feel like going out, so I said, “Why don’t the two of you just come over for dinner? I’m not up for a fancy restaurant. We can order takeout and watch a movie and try to forget about all the crap happening lately.”
“That sounds good. Let me talk to Mom and I’ll get back to you.” He hung up.
I headed into the living room. “May and Bran might be coming over for dinner. They need a night away from thinking about the fire, and gods know, I need to escape thinking about everything that’s happened to me.”
“I just talked to May on the phone. She told me—and yes, they’re both going to come. What should we serve?”
“I’m thinking takeout. Something easy enough that we don’t have to cook. Pizza…maybe. Oh, I know! There’s a great fried chicken place in town, and they make the best sides. They opened up about a month ago. Jo-Ann’s Pluck-and-Cluck. Kitschy name, fantastic food. I’ll go pick it up, and I’ll grab something for dessert too. Maybe a cake or something.” I glanced at the clock as my phone rang. It was Bran.
“Hey, Mom said that sounds good. We’ll be over around six-o’clock, if that’s all right?”
“That’s fine. We’ll see you then. Chicken all right?”
“Chicken sounds great.” He hung up.
I glanced at the clock. It was going on one-thirty. “You were going to teach me how to work with earth elementals?”
“You want to learn now? We can, but it’s going to be wet and cold.”
I looked at my weather app. “The clouds are supposed to lighten up in about an hour, and the sun comes out in less than another after that.”
