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I stare at the bowl of trail mix, sifting through the raisins and sunflower seeds to retrieve a cashew. “Price was the exception to everything.”
“That’s not very comforting.”
I try to reassure him with a slow headshake and a soft smile. “You shouldn’t feel threatened by him.”
“When you’re wearing nothing but my shirt and standing in my kitchen, I don’t feel threatened by him. But I can’t say the same when I’m out of town, or you’re hanging out at his place.”
I absentmindedly tug at my bottom lip and stare at the floor. “How honest do you want me to be?”
Koen’s gaze lifts to the ceiling, and he shakes his head with a shrug. “Rip off the bandage.”
“We were opposites in every way. In a good way. And he would tell you that I broke it off. I did, but only because I felt intimidated by his big dreams. I was younger, with no direction. Still, it was a perfect summer that didn’t feel real. Hedidn’t feel real. I was the girl in Birkenstocks and braids. He was the guy in a suit and tie. He taught me how to taste wine before I was old enough to drink it. I taught him how to lie in the grass and stare at the clouds.”
When I glance up, Koen gives nothing away.
“At the end of summer, I told him to go conquer the world, and if we were meant to be, we would be.” I grunt a laugh. “I told him so many things that made no sense, but I did it with such fake confidence and conviction that he bought it. He trusted me. Who trusts a nineteen-year-old girl working in a store filled with stones and essential oils? A girl who walked away from the chance to go to college with her parents footing the bill. A girl who lived in a dinky studio apartment rather than at home to save money for something better.”
Koen covers the rest of the chicken and rests his hands on the counter's edge. “It would seem he conquered the world, and now he’s here for you.”
I shake my head. “I thought he’d call me out on my bullshit. I thought he’d tell me how ridiculous I was being. When you find that kind of love, you don’t walk away. You don’t treat that kindof love like an option. It’s everything, and all the other stuff takes a back seat.” I run my hands through my hair. “He returned to school, but I knew he’d call. Or he’d come back for Christmas and tell me what an awful mistake he made letting me walk away. But he didn’t.”
Life happened instead.
“Why didn’t you go after him?”
I don’t want to lie. I’m not that good at it, but some lies are easy if the truth feels like torture. So I shrug and give him what I can without the pain making a jagged incision on my fragile scars.
“Because,” I say, “although I’m still single, I’m a sucker for romance. And when he walked into the store a few weeks ago, I felt all the things I felt that summer, including the heartbreak. He broke my heart. I wanted him to need me more than anything, but he didn’t. And that feeling doesn’t go away. All I can say for sure is I’m happy he’s back in my life, but I don’t think he can everbemy life.”
“Because he didn’t fight for you?”
I meet Koen’s gaze, heart heavy with melancholy. “Yeah,” I whisper. “And now I’ve met this guy. And I like him so much I can’t think straight.”
This elicits a tiny smile from him. “Don’t ask you where you get your protein. And fight for you. Got it.”
“Are you taking notes?”
He hops off the counter. “Diligently.”
I step into his embrace. “You need to get some sleep. You get up way earlier than I do. I should go.” I kiss the middle of his chest.
His lips press to the top of my head. “You should stay. And help yourself to breakfast in the morning. Stay as long as you want. But just … stay.”
I tip my head back, and he slides his fingers into my hair. “Koen, if you don’t stop touching me like this, we won’t sleep tonight.”
He grins, lowering his lips to mine. “Fuck sleep.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
INCLUSION IS SEXY.
After a week out of town,Koen returns on Valentine’s Day. We’re five weeks into this relationship, and my sex drive rivals any man’s. With some extra lip gloss, rosewater body spray, and a red V-neck sweater and dark jeans, I meet him for dinner at his place.
However, there are two vehicles in his driveway that are not his. The open blinds on the main floor give me a clear view of his kitchen. I recognize Herb, but not the other guy or the woman.
When I knock on the glass door, all heads turn. Koen heads in my direction just as I open it.
“You don’t have to knock.” He hugs me and drops a quick kiss on my lips. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
