AllFreeNovel
Share Us
For some reason I don’t understand, those words spark a fire in me, but I ignore it.
As I enter the library, a sense of calmness washes over me despite my nausea. It’s so beautiful in here, not stuffy or dark like your typical library. There are floor to ceiling windows lining one wall, and shelves line all the others.
I grab a book on ancient medical rituals and take a seat by the window, carefully sipping my tea and closing my eyes.
But as soon as I swallow, I can feel it.
“Oh my –”
I jump up and run to the nearest garbage can, all the way across the room. As soon as I reach it, I hurl out my guts.
“Fuck this,” I whisper, sobbing after ten more long minutes of vomiting.
My heart rate picks up when I hear footsteps. I wipe my mouth and face the door. Concern is etched into every crevice of Cedrick’s face as he sees me.
“I’m sorry, I heard you.”
“Oh, God, really? Are you disgusted?”
“No! No, of course not. I just wanted to help.”
I stare at him, anger returning to me once more. There are so many things I want to say to him, to discuss with him, but I’m not in the mood or physical condition for it right now.
“I told you that I’m not helpless, Cedrick.”
“I never said you were. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be here for you.”
“I never said I needed you to be.”
“Well, I know that, but I thought I’d try. Remember what the doctor said? You’re carrying my child. We can get a nurse from the palace to come over if you want someone attending you. It doesn’t have to be me.”
“Why? There’s nothing wrong with me. Morning sickness is normal.”
“I know that, Ellie. I’m a doctor, remember? But maybe there’s something they can give you.”
“Anything they can give me, I already know about. This is my line of work, too, remember?”
He presses his lips together, and it’s obvious that I’m starting to get to him. But no matter how badly I want to stop, I can’t. The words just keep coming out.
“And why would I see a nurse from the palace? I know plenty of great nurses. I could just go out and see one.”
“Yes, but why leave if you don’t have to?”
“Because maybe I don’t need to be treated like a doll!”
He flinches but steps closer to me. “Ellie, calm down.”
“Why, so I can be a good little princess who doesn’t have thoughts and feelings?”
“No, Ellie. Because it’s not good for you. And you don’t deserve to feel this much stress.”
As I stare at him, all I can think about is how scared I am. Scared that if I tell him how I really feel, he’ll reject me. Scared that he’ll never see me as anything more than a means to fulfill his father’s wishes.
What will happen after the year is over, when I’ve fallen even more head over heels for him and he wants to find his own wife for real, one who’s noble enough to be up to his standards? How will I raise my child amidst that hurt?
That’s not how I want the start of motherhood to look. It should be the happiest time of my life. Instead, I’m worrying about rejection. Which is insane.
I don’t know why I agreed to this. Maybe I should have just gone through the fertility clinic. Cells in a vial can’t set off my temper like he can.
