Page 53 of An Unlikely Debutante

‘Nonsense. You saw her for the first time in three years less than a week ago and again a few days later. Of course she’s preoccupying you.’

Alex picked up Lina’s hand and placed it in the crook of his arm, taking his time and ensuring Lina didn’t pull away before he replied.

‘Victoria is married. Victoria eloped with my closest friend. Victoria inspires nothing but bad memories. I could go on with the reasons I am not thinking about Victoria. But I am thinking about you.’

‘Please stop,’ Lina said quietly.

‘If only it were that simple,’ Alex said with a theatrical sigh. ‘You have awoken something deep inside me, Lina—something that I fear will not be put to sleep easily.’

‘Lust.’

‘Desire,’ Alex corrected her. ‘There is a world of difference.’

Desire and a whole lot more. Never before had he yearned for someone’s company as he did Lina’s. They only had to be apart for a few hours and he would find himself searching for an excuse to seek her out. Desire he could deal with; anything deeper was not something he wished to explore.

‘I will not be your mistress.’

‘I understand your reticence, truly I do.’

She looked up at him with hope in her eyes. For a moment Alex felt guilty about pressing her like this, but he knew she desired him just as he desired her. It was obvious in every movement, every look. If he could just get her to see things differently, to understand that a liaison did not have to end in disaster if they both entered into it with their eyes open, then they had a chance of spending a few glorious weeks finding pleasure in each other.

‘If that were true, you would never have asked it of me.’

Alex considered this for a few minutes as they continued their stroll through the gardens. He knew he could be a touch self-centred and found it difficult to compromise on his desires, but that was common amongst men of his class.

‘Your family was ruined by an ill-fated affair between your father and a titled lady. She used him for her pleasure and, when she was done, disposed of him as if he didn’t matter at all. Naturally you are wary about the same thing happening.’

‘There’s so much more to it than that,’ Lina grumbled, although Alex had been quite proud of his little summary.

‘Then tell me. I’m willing to be persuaded this is a bad idea.’

‘I shouldn’t have to persuade you.’

‘And you don’t have to, I’m just asking you to indulge me. Let me get to know you better, understand you better.’

For a while they continued in silence, walking past the rose garden and into the shade of the stumpery. It felt almost mystical with the upturned tree stumps surrounded by luscious ferns all in a cool natural tunnel made from the dense vegetation above and protected from the heat of the sun.

‘A relationship between two people should be based on the principles of equality,’ Lina said slowly. ‘Any relationship—be that friendship, intimacy, marriage—only works if the two people are equal.’

‘Nonsense. I know many happily married couples who were not born equal. Take Georgina and Pentworthy as an example. She is the daughter of a marquess. He is from much more humble origins.’

Lina shook her head. ‘Equality comes in many forms, not just rank and wealth. Georgina may have had a more privileged start, but her husband is intelligent, driven and successful. This elevates him to her equal.’ She paused, looking at him to check he was following her before ploughing on. ‘When Pentworthy came and asked for Georgina’s hand, did you hesitate?’

‘No.’

‘Despite him not holding a title and at the time not being as wealthy as your family.’

It was true; there had been richer suitors, and even an earl interested in claiming Georgina as a wife, but Alex hadn’t tried to persuade her away from her choice.

‘He is her equal and she his. That is why their marriage works so well.’

‘You are my equal as well, Lina. You must know that.’ She hesitated at this and he pressed on. ‘And what has that got to do with you not wanting to be my mistress?’

‘We’re not equals. You have all the advantages, the money, the power, the social contacts, and I have none of that. It means any relationship we would have would be very one-sided, very unbalanced, and when it came time to move on I would be the one left hurt and disadvantaged by our liaison.’

‘Wealthy men keep mistresses all the time,’ Alex protested, wishing he had a better argument to throw at her. Yesterday Lina had been so angry and emotional, but today she was rational and eloquent. It made it difficult to argue with her.

‘And most of the time it is those mistresses that get hurt. A man will move on when the relationship ends. He might gain a little reputation as a rake, but this is laughed off. Men will be men after all. The woman is scorned, cast out from polite society.’