Page 75 of An Unlikely Debutante

‘For any of your other mistresses?’

‘No. I found it especially for us.’

She turned to the window, not wanting Alex to see the tears in her eyes.

‘I’m not going to be your mistress, Alex,’ she said, then dashed from the room and towards the stairs.

He caught her before she was halfway there.

‘I thought if you could see what our lives would be like—’ he started to say.

‘I can. It’s crystal clear, thank you very much. I would be shut away as your dirty little secret. My whole life would be waiting for you to call, wondering if you’d grown tired of me yet.’

Alex sighed and ran a hand through his hair. ‘It wouldn’t be like that, Lina.’ He paused. ‘I care for you.’

Her heart slammed against her ribs as he said the words. They weren’t words of love, but still more than he’d admitted up until now.

‘I can’t bear the thought of you walking out of my life in a few days.’

‘I can’t bear it, either,’ Lina said softly.

‘This is the only way we can be together.’

She shook her head, trying to stop the next words that were already tumbling out of her mouth. ‘I love you, Alex. I love you so much my heart sometimes feels like it is going to burst, but I will never be any man’s mistress, not even yours.’

He stiffened as if the declaration she’d just made was a physical blow. Lina knew she should just stop now, should back away and nurse her shattered dreams in private, but instead she heard herself carrying on, pushing Alex just that little bit further.

‘I love you, Alex,’ she repeated quietly. ‘I’ve been torturing myself these last few weeks. I need to know how you feel about me.’

Lina saw the panic in his eyes, the quickening of his breathing and the slight tremor of his hands.

‘Tell me you don’t love me,’ she said, looking directly into his eyes.

Slowly he shook his head, but seemed unable to speak. Lina felt a flare of hope and stepped towards him, reaching out and taking his hand in hers.

‘Do you love me, Alex?’ she asked again.

The silence stretched out before them like a gaping chasm and Lina felt her hopes and dreams come tumbling down around her shoulders. He couldn’t admit he loved her and couldn’t come out and tell her he didn’t.

With tears running down her cheeks Lina fled, slipping down the stairs and out of the door, darting through the streets in the late-afternoon sunshine, using every ounce of energy to keep moving, knowing if she stopped she would likely completely fall to pieces.