Page 111 of Regency Whispers: Scandalous Matches

‘Perhaps we can find somewhere quieter to talk, even if just for a few minutes.’

Alice sighed and then nodded. ‘I am fatigued. Unless you wish to stay, shall we share a carriage home?’

He looked relieved, and Alice realised with surprise that he wasn’t used to society events. Although he hadn’t written to her over the last year, he had sent a couple of short notes to Maria and his mother, and they had shared a little of what his life had been like. From what she could gather he had lived quietly, opting for a villa in a rural location with his closest neighbours some miles away. He had not looked to socialise in his new community, and although his journey back to England would have involved travelling by ship with others, he would not have encountered a situation like this for a long time. Even if he had been attending balls and social gatherings since early adulthood, it would still be quite an adjustment for him to make from his recent experiences.

She felt a little guilty for avoiding him for so long. There were many things he could have done better in their relationship, but wanting to discuss the practicalities of their arrangement now wasn’t one of them.

‘Should we say goodnight to Mr and Mrs Livingstone?’ Alice said as he led her rapidly towards the door.

Simon leaned in, and Alice felt herself shiver as his breath tickled her ear. ‘They will not mind if we slip away. They will tell themselves it is only to be expected when two newly-weds are reunited after time apart.’

He placed a hand on the small of her back to guide her, and Alice had to suppress a little groan of frustration. He seemed entirely unaffected by her: it was as if to him the kiss on Midsummer’s Eve had never happened.

It took a few minutes to find their carriage amongst the dozens standing outside. Theirs was tucked down a side street, and the driver was sitting on top enjoying the evening air as they approached.

Alice remained silent once they had climbed inside, and Simon instructed the driver to take them home.

It was dark in the carriage as they sat across from one another. Alice could only see the contours of her husband’s face and the glint of his eyes in the moonlight, but nothing to help her anticipate how the conversation would begin.

‘You looked happy tonight,’ Simon said after a minute. ‘It was lovely to see.’

His words were not what she expected, and it took her a moment to compose herself enough to answer. ‘I am happy,’ she said eventually.

‘Are you? I worried quite a lot before we married that you were choosing an option that would not give you the life you wanted. You were stuck between a marriage to Cecil and a life that was not the future you had once imagined.’

She was touched that he had considered her feelings in such depth when he’d had so much else to occupy his mind. She chose her words carefully now, not wanting to give him the wrong impression.

‘This isn’t the life I imagined or the life I hoped for when I was a young girl, yet these last few months I have been content. I cannot lie to you and say I do not sometimes wish for children, for a husband who loves me and a house filled with family, but I am slowly learning there are other ways to seek contentment in life.’

‘You are refreshing, Alice,’ Simon said, his voice low and serious, a note of wonder about it. ‘You always speak your mind even if it makes you vulnerable.’

‘I do not think there is any point in lying about one’s feelings. If I told you I was blissfully happy and never thought of a different life, then it might influence what we decide on for our future. It is important you know how I really feel. This past year I have not had anyone to hide behind. I’ve had to assert my own views, to make decisions and bear the consequences.’

‘I am sorry you have been so alone.’

‘It has not been entirely a bad thing,’ she said quietly. ‘I have learned a lot about myself and how much more capable I am than I ever realised.’

‘I suppose you never had the chance to step out into the world alone before. Young gentlemen often have that taste of independence when they leave home to attend university or go to seek their fortune through work or the military. Yet young women stay under their father’s control until they marry.’

‘I will always be grateful for the past year. It has shown me I can achieve so much more than I ever thought.’

They fell silent for a moment, and Alice glanced out of the window to see they were already slowing to a stop in front of the townhouse. Their conversation hadn’t delved very deep, and she knew soon they would have to sit down across a table from one another and decide what their lives would look like.

Simon helped her from the carriage, and they walked arm-in-arm up the steps to the front door. She felt torn, simultaneously wanting to rip herself away from Simon so he wouldn’t have a chance to hurt her and strike up a conversation so he would have to linger.

In the end she bid him goodnight in the hallway and hurried upstairs, feeling her heart pound in her chest as Simon called after her.

‘Tomorrow we should talk properly,’ Simon said, his voice quiet but clear. She nodded, hoping she would sleep well before the negotiation for her future began.

Chapter Twelve

‘Your note was a little cryptic,’ Alice said as she strolled into the park, parasol in hand to shield her from the warmth of the sun.

He had been up early, unable to settle. Throughout the night he had been plagued by indecision and by thoughts of his wife that were not helpful in assisting him to come to a sensible conclusion about how he wanted their future to look. He’d risen early and, when there had been no sign of Alice at an early breakfast, had decided to leave her a note to meet him in Hyde Park, dressed in her riding habit.

When he had first arrived in the park it had been quiet, with only a few other early-risers out for a brisk morning walk or for a ride. On his trip back to Northumberland he had picked up his beautiful horse, Socrates, and this morning had enjoyed a long ride without the pressures of travelling on the dusty roads. Before Alice’s arrival he had also hired a horse for her to ride. There was something about having the breeze on your face and the thought of freedom to gallop off towards the horizon that helped to clear the mind. It would also ensure their conversation didn’t become too heated or intense. Alice was an immensely pragmatic woman—he had seen that in how she had reacted to impossible situations this past year—but they were talking about her entire future.

He saw her eye with uncertainty the horses he was holding by the reins.