Page 43 of Regency Whispers: Scandalous Matches

She shook her head, wondering exactly what she was going to say to make him believe she hadn’t been fleeing from the sight of a beautiful young woman and him arm-in-arm.

‘I’m not upset.’ She found it best to be brief, abrupt even, in this sort of circumstance. Silently she grimaced, realising how ridiculous her thoughts were; she had never been in a situation even vaguely similar before in her life.

For a long moment neither of them spoke. She felt his eyes on her, searching her face, but she refused to look up. She was afraid if she did he might see something in her eyes, something to confirm what he was thinking.

‘We never discussed our kiss,’ he said after a minute. His voice seemed loud in the darkened corridor, echoing off the empty walls.

‘Which one?’

‘Either. Both. We need to talk about them.’

‘Don’t shout about it.’

‘There’s no one here, Jane.’ There it was again, his use of her first name and the illusion of closeness it summoned.

‘Someone could burst through those doors at any moment.’

‘Fine,’ he said, lowering his voice to a theatrical whisper. ‘We never discussed our kisses.’

‘What is there to discuss?’

He cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable.

‘I didn’t know if you were upset tonight because you saw me with another woman...’ He trailed off.

Doing her best to channel the new Mrs Farthington, the haughtiest woman she knew, she raised an imperious eyebrow.

Mr Stewart was a hard man to unsettle, and he looked back at her with a raised eyebrow of his own.

‘You thought I would be upset to see you with another woman, even though we agreed it was a silly mistake, nothing to ever be repeated.’

‘We did agree that.’

‘Yet you think I am not capable of moving on, of accepting it meant nothing?’

‘I just thought...’

Jane held up a hand, hating how cold her voice sounded but knowing she could not let him see how unsettled she really was. She didn’t want to feel this way. She didn’t want to have a longing to reach out, wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him until she was ruined, but it wasn’t something under voluntary control.

‘The kisses we shared,’ she said, hoping she could maintain her composure as she spoke, ‘Were perfectly pleasant, but they were both at moments of high drama. People do reckless things when they have been in danger, and that was all there was to it.’

‘Perfectly pleasant,’ he murmured, frowning, as if no one had described his kiss as ‘perfectly pleasant’ before.

‘We had an agreement, Mr Stewart,’ Jane said, pressing on. ‘I promised you I would tell you if I started to fall for your charm.’

He nodded, his eyes all the while searching hers.

‘I do not break promises lightly, and I have no qualms in telling you that I do not have feelings for you, past perhaps the developing of an unlikely friendship.’ She looked at him directly now, willing herself to stay strong. ‘I like you, Mr Stewart, more than I ever thought I would, but my regard for you stops there. There is no ulterior motive in wanting to spend time with you. I have no desire to ensnare you into marriage.’

The silence stretched out between them before finally Mr Stewart nodded, satisfied. ‘I like you too, Jane.’ He said it so softly, so gently, that all of her resolve was almost dashed in those five little words. She felt her heart squeeze in her chest at the prospect of what could be before she could harden it. Mr Stewart might have kissed her, but his reaction immediately after, and his presence at the theatre with a stunning young lady, showed her there was no chance of anything more between them.

For her own self-preservation, she needed him to believe she was as uninterested as he was. Shaking her head, she told herself again she wasn’t interested. Mr Stewart had no place in her life’s plans. She wanted neither a husband nor a lover. For so long she had strived for something more, something she could call her own. She wanted to achieve something more than getting married and pushing out babies every year or two for the next twenty years.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, waiting for her to look up again. When she didn’t, he stepped forward, placed a finger under her chin and tilted it ever so gently. Jane felt as though everything around the faded away and it was just the two of them suspended in the darkness together.

She swallowed, wondering if he could hear the pounding of her heart, and cursing how her body was betraying her after she had given such a convincing speech.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘I shouldn’t have doubted you.’