Page 59 of Regency Whispers: Scandalous Matches

He shrugged, looking around, as if only now realising that he was in her bedroom.

‘I didn’t think that far,’ he said simply. ‘I knew I wanted to see you, but I didn’t think about the practicalities of it.’

‘You didn’t think about the practicalities?’ Jane repeated, still unable to take in the enormity of the mess they were in. ‘What are we going to do, Tom? If you are found here, it won’t matter if Mrs Burghley says anything or not. We’ll be marched down the aisle as soon as Lady Mountjoy can persuade the archbishop to give us a special licence.’

She was glad to see a flicker of a reaction in his eyes, then he shrugged again and moved away, flopping down in the chair by the writing desk.

‘You’re going to sit down? At a time like this?’

‘Someone in this house is awake,’ he said, sounding a lot more sober than he had outside. ‘But it is after midnight and I doubt they will be awake for long. I suggest we sit quietly for half an hour, maybe an hour, and then I will slip out and no one will be any the wiser.’

Jane opened her mouth to protest and then closed it again as she considered his words. This was far from the ideal situation but, now they were in it, perhaps he was right. Perhaps they needed to sit it out and then hope they could slip Tom out of the house when everyone was back asleep.

She looked around for the best place to sit, but with the chair occupied there weren’t many options. The window seat was far too cold at this time of night, so it only left the bed. At first she perched on the edge, feeling fidgety and jumping at even the slightest sound.

‘You can sit back,’ Tom said, observing her through heavy-lidded eyes.

‘I don’t want to get too comfortable.’

‘We’re hardly likely to fall asleep, are we?’

He had a point. Jane felt so on edge, so nervous, she doubted she would sleep for three days.

‘I am sorry,’ he said, as she plumped up the pillows and then positioned herself so she was sitting up against the headboard, her legs stretched out before her on the bed. ‘It was stupid to come here.’

‘Why did you come here?’

‘I couldn’t stop thinking of the look on your face yesterday, whilst we were watching Edward sledging.’

‘I didn’t have a look on my face.’

‘You did after I said I would marry you.’

She felt herself bristle and stiffen again. It was something about the phrasing, the way he’d made it sound as if he’d be doing her a favour by saving her reputation if needed. Not that it wasn’t true, but she hated being made to feel that way.

‘It came out wrong, and I’m sorry. Any man would be lucky to have you as his wife.’

Jane snorted, allowing herself to slip down a little further on the cushions to get comfortable.

‘They would.’

‘Apart from you,’ she said quietly. ‘For you it would be an obligation.’

There was a long silence and Jane had to peer through the darkness to see if he had fallen asleep. When she was satisfied his eyes were still open, she returned to staring up at the canopy of the four-poster bed stretched above her.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever told you exactly why I have never wanted to get married,’ he said eventually.

‘I know about your desire to enjoy every moment of your life, after the accident.’

‘Yes, that is much of it,’ Tom said quietly. He sounded pensive, as if working out how to phrase the next statement. ‘I had a very unhappy childhood, Jane. My father was cruel. He took pleasure in finding little ways to make our lives miserable, my sister’s and mine.’

Jane turned a little to face him, wondering why such people became parents.

‘Outwardly he did all the things he was supposed to as a parent. We were clothed and fed, I was sent to a good school, Rebecca had an expensive governess.’ He fell quiet.

‘Being a parent isn’t just about fulfilling the most basic of needs, though,’ Jane said softly.

‘He was a clever man, and he used that intelligence to torment us. Mainly in small ways—pitting us against each other for snippets of affection, warping our perception of what was normal.’ He shuddered, and Jane wanted to reach over to him and pull him into an embrace, but she kept still, knowing it would make tonight even more difficult. ‘Then I left. I bought a commission in the army and I went away without ever looking back.’