Page 96 of Regency Whispers: Scandalous Matches

‘There is another possibility, Miss James,’ he said quietly, ‘but I need you to really listen as I tell you what I can offer you and what I cannot.’

Alice felt her pulse quicken, and she suddenly wished there was somewhere to sit down, but the only place was the damp sand, and she didn’t want to have to explain a wet, sandy dress to her mother.

‘In two weeks I leave England,’ he said, his expression completely serious with a hint of sadness. ‘I plan to travel to the Continent and find somewhere quiet to make my home for the next few months. I have been preparing for this trip for a long time, and I cannot postpone it. There are factors outside my control to consider.’

Alice remained silent, waiting for him to tell her more. It was clear he was not suggesting she accompany him.

‘When I leave the country, I do not envisage ever coming back,’ he said slowly, his words quiet but clear, and he regarded her intently as if needing to see she understood the gravity of what he was saying. ‘Are you aware of my family’s history at all?’

She shook her head.

‘I was never meant to be earl. My father died when he should still have had a good number of years of life left. He was youthful and healthy, yet one day he just dropped down dead.’ Lord Westcroft looked away for a moment, and Alice saw the glint of tears in his eyes. ‘For the six months before he died he suffered from debilitating headaches, terrible daily pains that worsened week by week. Then one day he called out in pain, his face a picture of agony, and a few seconds later he collapsed on the floor, dead.’

Alice closed her eyes for a second, wanting to reach out and take Lord Westcroft’s hand. He looked devastated, and she realised he must have witnessed his father’s death.

‘My brother, Robert, became the earl. He was ten years older than me, and for a while he looked out for me like a father. You met my sister-in-law last night. They married just after the mourning period for my father was complete and had three beautiful daughters. There was no reason to think they wouldn’t have more children, that they wouldn’t have a son who would inherit. I settled into my role as younger brother to the earl.’

Behind them Lydia had stopped too, just out of earshot, and Alice was pleased to see the beach remained almost empty. Horrible as his revelations so far had been, she felt like Lord Westcroft had worse to tell her.

‘Then five years ago Robert started to get headaches. Every day he would wake up, and they would be worse than the last.’

Alice’s hand went to her mouth. She knew Lord Westcroft’s brother was dead, and she could now see where this story was headed. It was terrible.

‘One day he dropped dead. He had been out for a ride with his wife and had just dismounted and then collapsed with no warning. The doctor said he was dead before he hit the ground.’

Reaching out Alice laid a hand on Lord Westcroft’s arm. To lose one close relative in such a way was horrific, but two would be completely devastating.

He looked at her with haunted eyes and then spoke ever so quietly. ‘A year ago I began experiencing headaches. Mild at first, and not every day, but over the last six months they have built in intensity. Every day they build and build until I am forced to lie down in a darkened room.’

‘You think...’ She couldn’t bring herself to say the words.

‘I have consulted doctors. They tell me there is nothing to be done and no way of telling when I might be struck down.’

Alice shook her head, unable to comprehend what living with such knowledge would do to you. Every moment he must live in fear of it being his last.

‘I am sorry, my Lord. That is no way to live,’ Alice said quietly.

‘I have made my peace with it, but I have decided I do not want someone I love to witness my death. My mother has suffered enough, my sister-in-law too,’ he said grimacing. ‘And if I were to die in front of one of my nieces...’ He shook his head. ‘It is an intolerable thought.’

‘This is why you are leaving the country?’

‘Yes. I am going to find somewhere peaceful to rent a house, employ someone to cook and clean, pay them well for their services and inform them one day they might walk in to find me dead on the floor.’

Alice shook her head. ‘Surely it would be better to be amongst the people that love you, to spend however long you have with your family.’

Lord Westcroft spoke softly, but there was a steely determination in his voice that Alice realised was born from adversity. ‘Every night when I go to sleep, when my thoughts are drifting and I no longer have conscious control of them, I see my father in the moment of his death. I relive the feelings of grief and devastation and shock over and over. I will not inflict that on anyone I love.’

He fell silent, and Alice pressed her lips together. He had lived with this burden for years and had had to face the question of his own mortality for a long time as well. It was not for her to question everything he had been through and the decisions he was making now as a consequence.

‘I am sorry for everything you have been through,’ Alice said, waiting until he looked at her and then holding his eye. ‘It is more than any person should have to bear.’

‘I have accepted this as my lot in life. I have had more than thirty years of living in comfort with a family who love me and a very privileged position in society. There are many who have much less than me.’ He reached out and took her hand. It was an intimate gesture as Alice felt her heart quicken in her chest. ‘I do not normally burden people with the whole story, but I think it is important for you to understand it all, to know exactly what it is I can offer you and what I cannot.’

The wind whipped around them as they stood together on the beach, blowing Alice’s skirt against Lord Westcroft’s legs, but he hardly seemed to notice.

‘We find ourselves chased by scandal, Miss James, and I think it inevitable your name will be associated with the kiss we shared, even if no one can prove it was you in that garden. I can offer you marriage, a protection of sorts, but it will not be the sort of marriage you expected for yourself.’ He paused, checking she was following his words. ‘If it is what you choose, I will marry you. It will save you from scandal, and once you become countess no one will care how we were a little careless. You will have my name and title as protection.’

Alice felt her head swim. Even from their short acquaintance she had known Lord Westcroft was an honourable man, but she had not expected this offer from him.