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“Hurry. It won’t stay open long.” He was straddling the opening, but losing ground. There wasn’t enough room for me to climb through. The only thing he was accomplishing was getting crushed.
In another few seconds, too short a time for us both to get through, it was going to kill him.
“Hurry,” he said, as the hole shrank on him.
Chaos was coming for me. Not him.
I ran forward, as if I were going to aim for the too-small spot, and shoved him with all my might, dislodging him in his surprise. The last thing I saw before the hole closed was his shocked expression as he fell through it.
It closed up a second after, and I spun, pure panic surging through me. I was alone. I’d pushed Kaden to safety, and now I’d pay with my life.
Chaos was coming again. I could feel it circling back to me, getting closer. I jumped into the grave, curling into the same corner, closing my eyes and praying to Gram.
Chaos’ presence grew again, swirling over the area. I remained still, reminding myself I’d survived the other times. Maybe it wouldn’t touch me, the way it hadn’t in the past.
I huddled there, waiting for death, waiting for it to rip me to shreds. It was like a tornado blowing around me but not striking.
Then there was a shift, and the dreadful feeling of Chaos started to subside again. As soon as it passed, the air went still, flat. A gentle breeze took its place, carrying the smell of marigolds. Marigolds had been Gram’s favorites. When she lived with Grandpa, they’d had marigolds everywhere. After he passed and she came to live with us, she’d still planted them everywhere she could, every place we went.
The smell of flowers intensified, and I could almost feel Gram’s presence. I squeezed my eyes tight, wanting to cry from the feeling of her and the relief of still being alive.
“Gram? Are you here?”
A hand grazed my head, the same way my Gram’s used to when I was a child in bed, sick. I was so scared to open my eyes and find myself alone that I stayed huddled, paralyzed. Maybe I was dead and Chaos had finally killed me.
“Billie, it’s okay. I’m here.”
I swallowed, hoping I wasn’t imagining this, but opened my eyes and saw Gram kneeling beside me.
Or almost. She wasn’t exactly Gram because I could see some of the dirt wall behind her.
“Gram?” I asked.
“You think I’d leave my special girl all alone?”
I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around her, not caring if she wasn’t really there. To my surprise, my arms felt a force, some kind of the energy that probably didn’t belong in this world. I leaned back again, scared that this was some sort of trick.
“Is it really you?” I asked.
“Yes. I’m having trouble in this realm, but let’s not talk about that. I don’t have that much time. Are you okay?” She reached out, holding my hands. Suddenly we were sitting on the grass above the grave.
“Gram, what the hell is going on? What did you get me into? Please tell me what’s going on.”
Her grip on my hand slackened, and I could visibly see her wanting to retreat from me.
“I need you to know I love you. You know that, right? That’s the most important thing.”
Tears ran down my face. “Of course. That might be one of the very few things I am sure of. But Ireallyneed you to tell me what’s going on.”
She nodded. “I know,” she said, suddenly talking as if there were no urgency at all. “I would’ve told you all of this before, but I knew you wouldn’t believe me. This is hard to tell you. Harder than I ever imagined. I know you think I’m this great person.”
She smiled at me, as if she’d pulled the wool over my eyes all these years. I did love her. Did I think she was always a great person? Not really. She’d been great to me but a little lackluster in other departments, including my mother, my uncle, my cousins, my cousins’ kids…
“I know you weren’t perfect, but you couldn’t have been a better grandmother to me.” And only to me, but again, no need to drag it all out.
“So, like I said, I wasn’t always so good in the…” She stared at the sky, tapping her finger to her chin. “I guess you could say good in the classical sense of the word. Maybe I played it a little free and loose with some of the rules? Did things maybe I shouldn’t have? Sometimes.” She waved a half-visible hand in the air, and I could see she was losing her opaqueness.
She was also stalling. What had she done? Was it that bad she couldn’t even tell me? I’d spent the last month thinking if I could talk to Gram for five minutes, I could get a handle on what was going on and get out of this mess. Now I feared to hear what she was going to say. Didn’t mean I didn’t have to know.
