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***
I’d wanted to give Riden a break after what we accomplished yesterday. Being around me while I’m using my abilities isn’t easy on him. But the need to figure things out has become more urgent than ever.
I sigh in relief when Riden doesn’t give me any snark after I tell him we need to begin practicing again immediately.
He must be able to tell I’m on edge, though, because once we get to the brig he asks, “What’s wrong?”
“We can see the fleet from the crow’s nest. Father is pushing his men to the breaking point to catch us.”
“Then we’d better be ready for him.”
Under Sorinda’s watch, we spend the rest of the day learning the extent of my control over the siren in me.
Riden tries leaving the room—with his ears covered, of course—to see if distance affects the response the siren has to him. It does. He needs to be in my line of sight, or the siren blocks out his shouts.
He tries calling to me more and more quietly, until he doesn’t say anything at all, with the hopes that eventually just looking at him will be enough. But that doesn’t keep the siren at bay.
It’s his voice while he’s in my sights.
Nothing less.
I’d so hoped that maybe with practice, I could learn to control the siren on my own.
But after three more days with the same results, I’m forced to give up that notion. Still, so long as Riden is near, I can replenish my abilities and regain my senses immediately.
The next time I face my father in battle, I will not have to worry about what I will do when my abilities run out. I can restock without fear of the siren taking over as long as I can hear Riden—until my strength fails or every one of my father’s men is dead. Whichever happens first. Still, it is too easy for our enemies to cover their ears. It isn’t enough.
This is only the first step. The real challenge will be staying myself while surrounded by ocean water.
I need to be in the sea and still be me.
***
The fleet disappears beyond the horizon, and I can’t decide if it’s better or worse not knowing where they are. Still, not being able to see them means we’ve gained more ground.
Perhaps that’s why I delay taking the next step in learning the new control I can master over my abilities with Riden.
It’s more than the fleet,I tell myself.I can’t push Riden too far too fast. He needs time to cope.
It’s a lie I tell myself. Riden actually appears to be getting more and more comfortable with the siren the longer he spends with her. And while, of course, I’m taking his feelings into consideration, the truth is—being in the water terrifies me. There’s so much harm the siren can do. So many people she can hurt on this ship.
I’m absolutely petrified of being her and being at risk of losing myself to the sea forever.
But as the threat of dehydration looms ever closer over our heads, I’m running out of excuses.
Kearan thinks we should be upon the island any day now.
Out on the deck, he and Enwen hang off the railing, staring longingly at the flat expanse of water.
“It looks better than it tastes,” I tell them.
“Why, oh why, does the sea contain salt?” Enwen asks.
“To drive us mad,” Kearan says.
“Stop looking at it,” I tell them. “Go distract yourselves.”
As if they’d coordinated it ahead of time, the two turn around and slump to the deck simultaneously.
