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7
Joy
I amgonna shove so much Christmas magic into those evil demons that they’ll shit bows and burp sparkles. Or something equally ridiculous.
New cane in hand, I turn toward my loyal reindeer. We snuck into the workshop under the cover of darkness to take some tools—Comet is really a sneaky shit, I gotta give him that—and then built our own little snow fort out in the evergreen forest. All last night, we huddled together under the moonlight, working to assemble the brand-new Christmas cane that is now clutched in my hand.
I know Rudolph always gets all the credit on Earth, but really, these guys are the sweetest little pets ever. They helped me all night long, and Blitzen only laid down to sleep once.
I pat each one on the head, rubbing my cheek against every reindeer’s one at a time, giving them thank you snuggles. They deserve it. Every one of them contributed to getting those ingredients.
After the cuddle-fest, I take a deep breath and try to amp myself up for a showdown. But man is it hard not to quake in your boots when the only showdown you’ve ever done was a bake-off against some cherubs in an attempt to replicateThe Great British Baking Show.
I mean, Dad is the badass. Not me. He’s the one who’s fought off demons for centuries. Not me.
Which is why I know exactly what we need to do.
“Okay, guys, my goal is to get this cane to Dad, so he can whip some demon ass.” I gesture at the cane as if they understand me, but hey, they’re all the team I’ve got right now, so I’m going with it. “Do you think that you could maybe distract those guys while Dasher runs me to Dad?” My eyes fall on Donner. He was awfully good at distracting and annoying those kids. For some reason, I feel like this sort of thing is in his wheelhouse. He can fart on them all he wants to. Let his freak flag fly. Let the stink bombs explode. Let the—
You get the idea.
Donner gives me a single nod.
“Let’s do this! Gah! I feel like we need red and green war paint and maybe ‘Eye of the Tiger’ playing in the background.” I crack my neck like that’s going to serve some sort of badass purpose. Then I climb onto Donner’s back. At this point, I hardly even notice that I’m not wearing panties anymore.
“On Dasher and Donner. On Blitzen, Comet, and Cupid! Let’s go make these demons look really stupid!” I call out.
They kick off, and we soar into the sky in a perfect line, with military precision. We are gonna be so amazing at this.
WHOMP.
A gray-winged demon appears out of nowhere and slams into me and Donner, making us roll.
I cling on, my hands and feet wrapping monkey-style around the reindeer as he struggles to right us. As soon as I can think clearly again, I’m pissed the hell off.
What the fuck?Is that guy an unpleasant surprise demon? Those fuckers always try to mess up gift giving. I didn’t know they could become invisible.
I’m seriously regretting that every book I own right now is a cookbook. I have so much to research about reindeer and demons.
Right after I survive.
The gray-winged demon pops up next to me again, his creepy white eyes only divided by a snake-like pupil. They focus right on the Christmas cane in my hands.
Crap.
“Dive!” I shout to Donner as Dasher body slams the demon in midair. But it doesn’t matter what I yell, because even as we speed towards the snow, I see two more demons fly out of the workshop to meet us.
My heart starts pounding with anticipation, like the moment before someone unwraps your gift and you’re worried that they’ll hate it. It’s not a good feeling.
Blitzen brays louder than I’ve ever heard him before as he barrels into one of the two blue-winged demons heading for us. He bites the demon’s hand with a vicious streak I never thought he possessed. And then he whips his head back and forth like a wild dog tearing into its prey.
The demon howls in pain, and I…cheer. My human side eclipses my angelic one, and for a moment, all I care about is that my reindeer are winning.
Comet and Cupid both fly straight at the second demon heading our way, kicking their hooves out and nailing him in the wings so that he screeches and goes pinwheeling through the sky as he falls.
“Quick, we need to get this cane to Dad!” I whisper to Donner. “We have to find him.”
Quick as a flash, we dash away from the fight and towards the workshop. I hope like hell that Dad’s being kept in the workshop and not in some strange spot somewhere in the village, or we’ll never find him.
