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“Let's just say that I ran into an old friend.”
“That sounds promising if it was a guy.”
“Yeah, actually, I thought it was promising, too, but I learned my lesson. It was just a waste of time.”
She frowned and told me that she was sorry. I believed that Gemma actually meant it, too. She was one of the nicest people that I had ever met, and she was a great assistant. I was lucky to have her, and I was lucky to have my life. I didn't know why I thought that everything would be changed in the blink of an eye. For that week that I was with Frank, it really had felt like anything was possible. Now that I was back down on earth, though, I knew that it wasn't true. Even more than that, why would I want to change it? My life was finally going exactly how I wanted it to. I would be crazy to want to change it.
As I made my way to my house, everything looked so strange. It had only been a couple of weeks that I was gone, but even my own neighborhood looked like somebody else’s. I was still torn on everything. I could tell myself that the right thing to do was to walk away from it all and to walk away from the guy I had thought about for so long, but then again, if I was going to do that then, I at least wanted some answers before I left. How else was I going to be able to think straight?
The flight wasn't sobad. I slept most of it, and I think that the fact that I hadn't slept in the last few days ever since Frank had told me that he was going back to work, helped. Of course, I wanted to believe him when he said that it was all just because of work that he couldn’t see me, but it was hard to believe it. What I wanted to believe, and the reality of it, were two different things.
I had ignored a couple of phone calls from him and when I got back to Hampton and back to my grandfather’s house, I gave him a call. He picked up almost immediately and asked me if everything was okay.
“Yeah, why wouldn't it be?”
“Well, because you weren't at your grandfather’s house. I tried to call and then I tried to stop over last night, and you weren't there. I was afraid that you had gone back to the city.”
“I was just there yesterday. I'm going to have to go back, eventually. I guess you should get used to that idea.”
“You sound strange. What's going on?”
I told him that there was nothing going on. I was just tired because of all of the traveling. I might have even blamed it on jetlag. He didn’t buy it by his tone, but he didn’t call me on it, either.
“Why don't you let me come see you?”
My first reaction was to tell him yes. I wanted to see him, and I was already thinking about what would happen when he got his hands on me again. That was like heaven, and it was hard to pass up on such a thing. I definitely didn’t want to. Frank made my body feel amazing every time he touched me.
I couldn't do it, though. If I let him get his hands on me, again, then how was I going to be able to confront him about what I thought to be true? I could have just done it right then. I could have asked him on the phone and not even had to meet with him face to face. It would have been so much easier.
Once again, though, nothing was said. There were a lot of thoughts in my head about what could be done to make it easier and better, but it never happened. Instead, I was worried about the truth coming out and me not being able to handle it.
“I want to see you, Amber. We spent so long apart, that I don't want to spend any more time without you.”
“If that was the case, then you would have stayed over a couple of times. I don't really know what's going on with you, but I know that there's something you're not telling me.”
He assured me that it wasn't true, but I asked him to prove it, and he didn't have anything to say. I didn’t even know how he would have proved it, but I doubt he would ever realize how badly I wanted him to. I didn’t want to believe that he had a family and kids that I didn’t know about.
“I'm going to be honest with you, even though this is really hard for me to say. I don't think you quite know how much I thought about you all of these years, Frank. Or how much I wanted this to work between us, because of our history. But, obviously, whatever was going on between us isn't working. I think it would be better if we just accept that and try not to make it any more complicated than it already is.”
“You're not going to break up with me. We're not even going out yet, Amber.”
I told him that was even easier than whatever it was we were doing, breaking up or what have you. The truth was that we were never going out. It was true, but if it was, then why did I feel so bad about it?
“Even easier. It was nice seeing you again and maybe we will run into each other in another decade, but I think that's been enough visiting for a while, don't you?”
I hung up the phone and I seriously thought that it would be the end of the conversation. I didn't expect him to knock on the door a little while later. I should have. Even when we were kids, Frank never was good at hearing the word no. I just didn’t know how to deal with him, and I worried about being there with him in front of me. Courage was sapping out of me quickly.
A part of me wanted to rush to the door and find out why he was here. Maybe it was good news. The other part of me didn't want to answer. I was afraid that he was going to talk me into believing him, and then I would be stuck again. Lost really.
“Amber, open up! I know that you're in there.”
I scoffed to myself. I wasn't going to be able to run away like I wanted to. Like I needed to. Frank was the source of my issues, and he made it clear that he wasn’t going anywhere until I opened up and heard him out.
