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“That is not as easily answered as...”
She cut me off and said that she didn't want to hear it. I was a little surprised because she never really talked to me like that before. It was quite obvious that I had upset her in a very big way. Why was having Caroline such a horrible thing for her? Did she not like kids or something?
Shit. I never even thought of that.
“I don't want to hear the reasoning. I just want an answer. Yes or no, do you have a daughter?”
I could see how bothered she was by all this. I didn't want to answer her in that way. It just wasn’t as simple as her question implied. It didn't look like she was going to let me get much out about the reasoning of why I had her or more importantly, why I hadn’t told her. It was all not going to end well.
There was nothing else I could do but tell her the one option that I had.
“Yes, I have a daughter.”
And, apparently, that was all she needed to hear. She immediately told me to leave. She didn’t blink an eye while she was doing it, either. I was stunned at her change of attitude, but it was clear that she wasn’t going to change her mind. She really did want me to leave. She wasn’t joking like I wanted to believe she was.
“Are you not even going to give me a chance to explain?”
Amber shrugged and told me that there was no point in that.
“You have a daughter that you didn't even think to tell me about. That is all the answer that I need, now, isn’t it? I can’t trust you because of it, so that’s why I hung up on you. There is no reason for us to go forward, because now I have to wonder what else you haven’t told me about.”
I didn't agree with that assessment at all. It felt like there was a lot more that we needed to talk about. A lot more. Why was she being so stubborn?
I tried to get her to reason with me, but instead of listening to anything I had to say, she finally just asked me to leave again. It wouldn't have been hard just to throw it out there, before she kicked me out. But I think I was just surprised more than anything. She was acting so differently than I was used to. It made no sense to me. What had her so angry? Surely it wasn’t because I had helped out an old friend years before?
So, I left. What else could I do? She obviously didn't want me around her, and she was looking at me like I had killed her best friend. It didn't feel like something that was going to be easily fixed. It felt like just one more problem between us. I was really starting to hate that.
I made my way back home and couldn't believe that it had turned out so poorly. I had all these high hopes for what that meeting was going to bring about, but none of that happened. I was way off.
It didn't bring us closer. It didn't make her hear me anymore. All that had just happened was I had lost her again. I can't even begin to describe how painful it was. I knew this time for sure that I’d lost her. I just still didn't understand how I’d lost her or why, but that hollow feeling inside of me was back. I knew the truth. The why didn’t really matter.
