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“But I told you so.”
I groan. As if I needed a reminder of how much I screwed up.
“Harper, you need to give him time. I know it seems impossible right now, but he will come around.”
God, I hope so.
“I don’t know if he will,” I admit, thinking back to that last phone call. “You didn’t hear him when we talked. He wants nothing to do with me.” I grab the bottle of wine and open it, my coffee forgotten because I need something to take the edge off the pain that is searing through me. “I really screwed up.” I take a swig of wine directly from the bottle as Mel watches with pity.
“Then why are you hiding in his apartment?” Her eyebrows quirk as I turn away. “Harper, it’s okay to admit that you miss him, or have feelings for him.”
I laugh because that’s not what this is about.
“Of course I have feelings for him, I wouldn’t be this upset if I didn’t. Do you want to know why I’m here? Because I deserve to be reminded every minute of what I lost, of what I caused. I deserve to feel this crushing pain that’s sitting on my chest and I deserve to look around me and only be reminded of him.” The tears start and I look down at my clasped hands. “But…”
“But what?” she whispers, walking over and taking my hands in hers.
“I guess I’m hoping that if I’m here when he gets home that he’ll change his mind, that if I’m not here, he’ll just forget about me.”
She’s silent for a minute before her laughter starts to fill the room. My eyes dart to her, staring daggers in her direction.
“I’m not going to deny that you fucked up big time, but listen to me.”
I look at her as the tears start to fall once again, and she smiles sadly as she wraps her arms around me.
“He adores you. I can see it every time he looks at you.”
I shake my head, but she continues.
“He’s falling in love with you, and I honestly think you’ve fallen in love with him too, you’re just scared of it. You have to give him time.”
I know she’s right, but the idea of the unknown is crushing me slowly.
“When does he get home?”
I look down at my phone. “Tomorrow morning.”
“Okay, we have less than twenty-four hours to get your shit back together.”
I close my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “What if I don’t want to get my shit together?” I deserve this. I did this to him… to us. I’m the one that’s causing all the problems, so maybe he’s right, maybe they’re all right, maybe he’s better off without me. The idea of not seeing Josh again makes me physically ill, but maybe it’s better if we call it quits now before any real feelings get involved. “You know what?” I say, getting up and putting the rest of the food back in the fridge. “I’m not really in the mood to talk tonight, I think I’m going to go back to bed since I have to be at work early tomorrow.”
Mel goes to say something, but I stop her.
“I know you mean well, but let me have this, okay? I need to wallow a bit more before I figure out my next move.”
She takes my hand as she gives that sad smile again.
“I’ll stay if you want?” she suggests and this is exactly why I love her so much, but I shake my head.
“Go home, you need to be ready for work tomorrow. We have lots more painting to do.” I plaster on my best smile, pulling her in for a hug. “I’m fine.”
She gives me a knowing look as a smile breaks out on my face.
“Okay, maybe not totally fine, but I will be. All I need is a good night’s sleep.”
We both know that’s a lie, but she nods anyway.
“You go to bed, and I’ll let myself out.”
