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“Are you sure it was a ‘woman?’ Maybe it was his mom or his sister?”
She shakes her head, tears forming behind her eyes. “It was a young voice, and he doesn’t have a sister as far as I know so there’s only one explanation. I didn’t give it up, so he went looking elsewhere.”
I pull her into a hug because that’s the only thing I can think of to do right now.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. I can talk to him for you if you want. Punch him a few times? Kick him in the balls?”
She starts laughing. “No, don’t do that. I just want to forget about him and focus on this place…” She looks around and a calmness settles over her.
Will better get his act together or he’s going to regret missing out on someone like her.
“You still coming over tonight? We don’t have to watch the game if you don’t want to, with everything…” I wave into the space gesturing to her hatred of Will right now, but she just smiles.
“Yeah, I’ll be there, and I would never take an opportunity for you to see Josh play away from you. Plus, I need to get drunk tonight so you can watch, and I’ll cuddle the wine.” She winks before getting called away to talk to some parents.
Tonight is going to be an interesting night.
Mel is sitting on my couch, nursing her bottle of wine when I open a new one in the kitchen. The game is just starting when I make my way into the living room. My eyes glance over at the TV, and I watch as a player hits a foul ball toward the stands near the third baseline. Josh runs at full speed, eyes on the ball, and never sees the stands coming. Everything from that point on happens in slow motion; Josh’s legs hit the barrier and he falls headfirst into the stands. I expect him to get up right away but all I see is a fan screaming for someone to get help.
I don’t remember letting go of the wine glass in my hand, but I do remember the sound it made when it shattered against the hardwood floor. My eyes didn’t leave the screen for a second. Afraid to blink, I watch as the trainers gather around his body, hoping and praying that my worst fear wasn’t just realized in front of me. A stretcher is brought out, his body is carefully lifted, and I expect to see that telltale sign of life, the one that all athletes do when they’re stretchered off, the thumbs up. But that never comes because he’s not conscious.
I don’t remember the ride to the hospital, I don’t even remember how we got there, or how we knew where to go. All I know is that the image of them carrying Josh’s lifeless body from that field and into that ambulance was running through my head over and over and over again.
Mel’s hand squeezes mine as tears stream steadily down my face. I know I should try and keep my composure, but it’s no use. I let them fall. I begin to shake the closer we get to the entrance as the thought of what I’ll find behind those doors starts to haunt me.
We get out of the cab as Mel starts furiously texting someone and before I have a chance to question who it is, Will comes barreling out of the front doors and starts running toward us. In that split second, I wonder why he’s there, he should be back at the stadium playing. But then I remember it’s his off day and he probably asked to come here with him. Will grabs Mel and pulls her close, kissing the top of her head. Before I can read into it, he’s pulling me in as well, wrapping those strong arms around me.
“Harper,” he says, snapping his fingers in front of my face.
My eyes snap up to meet his as a sense of panic starts to kick in.
“He’s going to be okay, they don’t know the extent of the damage yet, but they believe he’s going to be fine.”
The word fine rings in my ears and I wonder if he knows that’s not the word I want right now. I want to know if he’ll wake up, I want to know if he’ll walk again, I want to know if the man I love will be okay, not fine.
“Can I see him?” My voice is hoarse as if I haven’t spoken in weeks but from the small smile on Will’s face a sense of calm washes over me.
“Yes, he’s not awake yet but you can go in and see him.”
Mel takes my hand, both of us following Will through the front doors of the hospital and into the elevator. No one ever prepares you that the smell of a hospital stays with you after a tragedy. The second I step foot into that elevator, I’m a kid again. That smell—the smell of death and heartache—flows over my skin as I try and hold back the tears. I don’t pay much attention to the people standing outside of Josh’s room, I don’t take in the looks I know they’re giving me. My sole focus right now is Will and the feel of Mel’s hand in mine.
“This is him,” Will whispers, motioning to the door in front of me. I peer over at Mel as she squeezes my hand, giving me a reassuring look.
“Do you want me to go in there with you?” she asks but I shake my head. She just lets go of me and I take a deep breath, opening the door.
What I see inside makes the tears I’ve been holding in the past few minutes flow freely.
Wires.
That’s all I see.
Wires and tubes connecting to every part of him. I hear the familiar sound of his heartbeat and I breathe a sigh of relief. He’s alive, that’s all that matters right now. That steady beat means he’s alive.
He looks pale. His hair is all over the place as I step closer to the side of his bed, running my fingers through it. I trace the outlines of his face as I cry in silence because the idea of never seeing those jet blues again causes my heart to beat just a little bit slower. I notice a chair sitting empty next to his bed, so I sit, taking his lifeless hand in mine and basking in its warmth. That warmth reminding me that everything will be okay.
I rest my head on the bed next to him and cry.
16
